Homeboy
by smile1
Summary: Literati NEW CHAPTER 12s UP! They used to be friends, but recently things've changed between them. She has a boyfriend & he a girlfriend, but a stolen kiss changes the rules and she knows that it'll only be a matter of time until the secret's out.
1. It's Just Thunder

Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

A/N: Hey :-) I don't exactly know what to say about this story. I like the title :-) This is the first chapter (obviously) and it's just an introduction to the story, though this chapter is valid to it at the same time. I hope you'll enjoy and thanks to _Alexia _for beta-ing. :-)

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Chapter 1: It's just Thunder

-x-

Friends, that's what we have always been, ever since the beginning, but our relationship is much more complicated than that because even though we are friends, we often don't act like it. We have never acted like the usual definition of friends. We are just there for each other without asking questions, though that is harder to do nowadays. See, over the years we have given each other some distance, though I think that at one point we both just took it without explaining it to each other. We slowly got more caught up in our own lives. I have school, other friends, and a boyfriend to think of and he, well, I think he just decided that being friends with me wasn't necessary anymore, though, in a way, we still are friends because we still see each other frequently, we talk about books, and we're there for each other, always.

But the weird thing is that now that there's even more space between us than before, I miss him. I miss meeting him at the bridge just to read and I miss those times where he would just pick me up from school without ever giving me a reason. I miss being the only girl in his life and having all of his attention which I now have to share with all of those girls he brings into the diner and makes out with in the center of town. I even feel a little disappointed when I see him with someone else, almost jealous.

Lately, I have even wondered about what I look like through his eyes. I'm wondering about it right now, about what he sees when he looks at me. But then again, does he ever look at me? Why would he when there's no reason for him to? I'm too normal, too plain and simply too small, although my dreams are too big for this world to hold. I don't want to be seen as a small town girl forever, not that I'm ashamed of Stars Hollow, but I would just like to be noticed, in a bigger place in this world one day. Maybe then, he would notice me because I would be a little more like him, though not too much, for he often seems too intimidating to be around.

His eyes are always so cold and free from every human emotion, except for his usual recklessness, as if he doesn't have a single care in the world. He hardly ever smiles or expresses satisfaction of any kind and nowadays, he barely utters a word when I try to talk to him - try to reach him and pull him out of his thoughts which he surely keeps locked up in the deepest and darkest basement of his mind, a place suiting for thoughts and memories that might be just as dark. That would explain his constant coldness. I think that there might be more to him than meets the eye. There always is to a person, although my observations could be wrong.

I watch him read often, in the diner, when he thinks no one is paying any attention, but I always do. I can't help not to; I'm drawn to him in a way. Every time I look at him, I hope that he will notice my eyes on him, but he never does and I should be thankful for that because I don't know what I'll do the day he does notice. I'm afraid I'll run away and miss my chance... Luckily, I know that that will never happen. I don't think that I'm the kind of girl he usually takes the time to notice. And when I see him with a girl, I know that I'm not the kind he would notice.

I shouldn't even be bothering with these thoughts. I should get over this little crush of mine instead because that's all it can be since I already have a boyfriend - a perfect boyfriend or as perfect as one can be, anyway. There are no flaws to detect...which is perfect because he seems to be madly in love with me...and I like him, too.

I still can't stop these thoughts from slipping into my mind. How can I not think of him when I see him every day at the diner, standing at the counter and reading a book, a different one every day, just like me. We both know that we have a lot in common, otherwise we would have never become as good of friends as we are. Good friends, even though, lately, we have only talked about books. I know that he'll be there for me when I need him and I think I might need him right now...

He's driving me crazy.

-x-

As lightning struck and the lights flickered, all movement in town stopped dead in its tracks for a few seconds, as did the pen which Rory Gilmore held in her hand. She had stopped writing the second she had seen the intimidating flash of light out of the corner of her eye, causing for the sound of pen scratching against paper to fade quickly and suddenly as she listened to the silence that seemed to creep by as she sat in anticipation of the thunder that was sure to follow. Her eyes flicked over to the window just as the expected thunder roared through the raven colored sky, making her shiver with a non-existent chill. The thunder rolled off into the distance within the following seconds, leaving the air crackling with oncoming lightning.

Not wanting to witness the next bolt of lightning that would lit up all of its surroundings for a split second, Rory lowered her eyes down to the thick book in front of her, its pages outlined with gold, the once blank piece of paper now covered with her neat handwriting, though the top of every single letter had a tendency to curve to the right. Some would call this book a diary, but in her eyes, a diary was something you would write in as frequently as you could and where you would write down the events of every day that seemed special to you and those were two things she didn't do. If anyone would get the chance to flip through the pages, they would also notice that there were no dates present. They were all stored in Rory's mind and dates weren't important to her because in this book, she wrote nothing but thoughts and feelings and all of those were alike, especially lately.

She trailed her eyes to the top of the page, colliding with a large blue cup, the untouched coffee now cold. She had been so caught up in getting everything that she was currently feeling and thinking out on paper that she hadn't even taken the time to drink her coffee. The coffee that Luke always made extra strong for her, essentially when she needed to study and was up late. Now that she was thinking about it, she did feel tired and her fingers hurt from holding her pen as tightly as she did. With a soft thud, she let the pen drop on the table, doing nothing as it rolled towards the edge and clattered to the floor. The sound was almost inaudible as the pen came in contact with the floor, though it made the other two look up and glance in her direction. The older one glanced at the clock while the younger one, the one with the dark hair and dark eyes just observed the girl as she stretched her arms to reach for the piece of equipment.

Rory wrapped her fingers around the ball point and snatched it from the floor, pulling it up with her as she straightened her back and brought up her head in the process. Her eyes almost instantly fell on the hands in front of her, its fingers hooked in the pockets of a pair of blue jeans. The hands were familiar to her, though they weren't the ones she daily observed as they flipped through pages, poured coffee and so casually rested in the back pockets of his pants as he scanned the pages with his eyes. They were a close match, though.

''Rory,'' said the voice that belonged to the owner of this diner. She listened to his voice, the tone, the depth and noticed how once again it was familiar, but slightly different, deeper. She looked up at Luke, showing him that she was listening. ''Are you almost done?''

''Done?'' Rory asked.

''Yeah, done studying because it's starting to get late.''

''Oh, right.'' Rory looked back down at the schoolbooks that lay scattered across the table, though she hadn't looked in them this past hour. ''Yeah, I'm done. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you. I just needed a place to study since mom's out with Sookie and I don't like thunder,'' she rambled while closing her books and grabbing them so she could put them in the backpack she had brought.

''You don't have to go,'' Luke offered as he watched her zip up her backpack and reaching for the only book that still lay in front of her. He was always more gentle towards her than he was to other people because he cared for her, something that could be perceived easily if someone would notice the little things, like the soft smiles he often threw in her direction and how he would randomly start a conversation with her. He made more effort to know her than the other one.

''No, it's okay, I should get home.'' Rory grabbed her chronicle of thoughts and feelings and got up, gripping the book firmly.

As she started to head for the door, Luke stopped her, causing her to smile before turning around to face him.

''Rory, did you bring your car?''

She shook her head. ''No.''

''So, you're going to walk all the way home?'' he asked while peering out the window at the rain that was still pouring and the lighting that would appear every now and then.

Rory nodded. ''Yeah, it's not that far, Luke.''

''How about a coat, did you bring one?''

Rory chuckled as she shook her head again. ''No, but it's just water, I think I'll make it home alive.''

''You'll get sick. Jess will drive you, right Jess?'' Luke asked, knowing that his nephew had been listening.

Jess shrugged and closed his book. ''I'm still a minor so I kind of have to do anything you tell me to.''

Rory looked over at him, not knowing what to think of his answer. It hadn't sounded like a convincing yes, but he hadn't declined, either. When Jess returned her look, she looked away, wondering how awkward it would be to be alone in a car with him.

''Luke, no, I'm fine. I can walk.''

''Yeah, her legs seem to be working just fine,'' Jess commented.

Luke glared at Jess. ''You are driving her and that's final.'' He looked back at Rory. ''And you are just as stubborn as your mother.''

Rory smiled at his words and patiently waited as Jess grabbed the keys to Luke's truck and threw on his leather jacket which gave Rory the urge to write again. He passed her without saying a word and opened the door, holding it open while looking at her.

''Come on.''

''Be careful,'' Luke said.

''I'll try not to crash, uncle Luke.'' Jess followed Rory outside with a smirk.

They ran over to Luke's truck, though they were both soaked before they even reached it. To Rory's surprise, Jess unlocked the door on the passenger's side first, waiting for her to get in before closing it and getting in himself. He pulled himself up on the seat and closed the door before putting the key in the ignition, glancing over at Rory while he did this. He was amused to see her sitting next to him chilled to the bone, her teeth clattering and her arms wrapped around herself. He didn't say anything as he drove off in the direction of her house.

''Th...thanks for dr...driving me,'' she said as she tried to stop her teeth from clattering.

''Luke's orders; besides, letting you walk home would have been a little cruel.'' He looked at her, knowing that she always had a cell phone with her. ''Why didn't you call Dean to pick you up?''

''He's probably already asleep and I didn't want to bother him with something this small.''

''School starts early tomorrow so I can see why he would want to get his ten hours of sleep in.''

Rory didn't respond to his comment, but just grabbed her backpack as he pulled up on her driveway.

''You were right, you could have walked home.''

''Yeah...see you, Jess.''

Rory got out of the car and hurried for the porch after she had closed the door, not giving him the opportunity to say anything else. She dug her fingers into the pocket of her jeans to get her key. She saw another flash of light out of the corner of her eyes and silently counted the seconds as she struggled to get the key in the lock. Just as she unlocked the door, she could feel something brush against her shoulder and she screamed, though no one could hear her over the thunder. She turned around quickly and came face to face with Jess.

''Jess,'' she breathed, ''don't ever do that again.'' She gave him a gentle shove as she tried to stop her heart from beating as fast as it was.

''I won't ever sneak up behind you in a thunderstorm again.'' Jess smirked at her and Rory couldn't help but smile herself, thinking how they used to do this all the time, joke and fool around.

Jess cleared his throat to drag her out of her thoughts and pulled something out of his back pocket. He held it out to her. ''Here.''

Rory lowered her gaze and stifled a gasp when she saw what he was holding in his hands, her diary.

''You left it in the car,'' Jess explained.

Rory nodded and took it from him. ''Thanks.''

''It doesn't look like a schoolbook,'' he pointed out, noticing the golden shimmer of the pages.

''It's not.''

Jess nodded. ''I should get back to the diner.''

''Yeah, thanks for driving me and returning this,'' Rory said as she held up the journal.

''Yeah, so...I'll see you tomorrow? I mean, you'll come in tomorrow for coffee?''

''I'm there.''

''Okay, see you then,'' Jess said before turning around and heading back to the truck.

Rory quickly slipped into the house, locking the door behind her before disappearing into her room. She threw her backpack and diary on her bed while pulling open her closet, desperately wanting to change into something dry and comfortable, but a noise stopped her and it wasn't the sound of the rain as it hit against her window. It was the sound of Luke's truck as the ignition was turned on again.

Not able to help herself, she walked over to the window and pulled her curtains to the side so she could look outside, finding the truck immediately. She watched as the truck started to back up and just before it reached the street, he lifted his head and looked directly at her. Once their eyes had locked, he smiled at her. Rory quickly stepped away from the window and let the curtain fall back to its former place. Even though it had been just a smile, she couldn't stop her heart from speeding up, its beats becoming as fast and chilling as the rain.

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REVIEW! Please? :-) Well, what did you think? I know that Rory and Jess start of as friends in many stories, but I wanted their friendship to be slightly different. Other than that, the diary will play a bigger role in future chapters, but for now, it's a way for you to take a look inside Rory's mind. I know that it's not original and all, but just give it a chance, you might enjoy it. :-)

Other than that, I updated my Trory _Torn_, my Roswell fic _Alienated_, and I put up the prologue of my first original story at so please check that out if you have the time and interest. The link can be found in my biography. You might even be surprised. :-) Thanks anyway.

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	2. More Than The Eye Can See

Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

A/N: Be sure to check out the message at the end of this page and a big 'thank you' to _Alexia _for beta-ing. :-)

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More Than the Eye Can See

-x-

I don't think I will be able to look at him in the same way I did before. How is that possible when something within seems to have changed, shifted, in a way that can't be undone, not even if I tried. Though I don't want to try, I wouldn't have the strength even if I did try. I thought I did before, I know I did before when I could just put my emotions for him on hold by writing down what I felt and how I felt when he would so much as glance at me. What it does to me. What he does to me. Just thinking about the control he has over me makes me wanna pull out my hair in frustration because he isn't even aware of it.

I don't think he has a single clue about what goes through my mind when we have one of our (short) conversations. During those, a flicker of possibility lights up within my reach and gives me hope, though I know that it is always false. It's a flicker that brings to light many memories, too many too simply push aside and forget. It shows me a picture which has long ago faded. It's a picture where I stand on one side and he stands on the other and there's a vague outline of a tear in the middle of it, though it will never be torn. Our friendship may not be as evident as it was before, but it is still there. I know it is or at least I have to believe that it is because that's the only thing that keeps us at where we are.

Where we are... It almost sounds as if we are stuck and maybe in a way, we both are. Stuck in quicksand that keeps pulling us deeper and deeper into the mess that we are in. I guess that I am lying to myself in a way because I know that we are only stuck because we choose to be. I could get out of it all by putting up a fight and reaching for the unattainable, risking all or I can just stay where I am and be satisfied with it. But I have always been a stubborn person with goals that were set on the highest pedestal anyone has ever seen, but I do that on purpose. I thrive on the effort it takes to get there, the hard work. It always gives me a thrill and I always thought that that was the only way to feel satisfied and happy with who I am, no matter how strange that might sound.

But after last night, I know that that same feeling of excitement can be obtained by a simple smile. His smile. I remember the first time I saw him smile, but I don't remember it having such an impact on me. Maybe we didn't know each other well enough back then or maybe I just didn't take the time to notice because I knew that friends were all we were and still are, though my imagination sometimes gets the best of me. It creates these scenarios in my head where all I want is to be near him and to have him pay attention to me, look at me intently as I tell him about what the future may hold for me, conveniently leaving out that he is in that future. I looked up once what those fantasies of mine could mean and apparently I'm afraid of losing him, of living out my future without him in it. I laughed at that the first time I read that, but I quickly realized that he is indeed that important to me, that I would want him within my reach wherever and whenever.

It's odd because though Jess is one of my many friends, I consider him one of the most important people in my life, one of those people that my world would be unstable without. He is way up there on my list, even above my own boyfriend which isn't right, but it's also something that I can't seem to change no matter how much I think about it. It wouldn't even matter if I thought of Jess as just a friend, but I don't... I used to, but somewhere along the way that changed. I remember the day I finally noticed that he meant more to me than even I was aware of.

It was during the beginning of summer, the first day it was hot enough to wear flip-flops and a tank top. I went over to the bridge to read and I expected him to be there, but this time when I saw him I found myself unable to move. You can compare it to suddenly losing your ability to speak or breathe when something captivates you so. That day, he captivated me and for the first time, I wondered what thoughts and emotions could possibly be hiding behind those eyes, what secrets.

He doesn't talk a lot about his past and though I never told him, it hurts that he doesn't trust me enough to tell me about it, about the life he led before this one. When he has one of his bad days where he hurts people too easily by simply ignoring them or acting like a stranger towards them, I always get out of his way, afraid that his words or looks will hurt so that I won't be able to forget them. My sleep is always restless on one of those days because I keep thinking about him, even when I don't want to. I always end up wondering if I had the ability to make him feel better, comfort him. My thoughts would always stray to what would happen if I would just go over to his apartment and climb into bed with him, being careful and silent enough not to wake him. How would he react when he woke up in the morning? At least he would notice me.

I don't even have to look in a mirror to know that I'm smiling right now. That's what he does to me. He stirs my inner turmoil. I wish Dean could make me feel the same way, but I know that he can't live up to expectations that don't exist. He does make me feel special, loved even, but sometimes, I don't know, I guess I feel smothered. It sounds horrible and that's exactly how I feel, but I can't help from feeling and maybe that's my problem...

-x-

Rory reread the penned down paragraphs while chewing on her pen, taking her time to scan each line, sentence, and word, though she didn't care much for the mistakes she came across. These pages were, after all, just a snapshot of her life, a small, maybe insignificant, piece of evidence of how she had felt right at that particular moment when she had decided to write it down and every mistake she had made was a part of that moment, of that distinct memory. By the mistakes she could tell if she had written everything down in haste, without really thinking about it or if she had actually given it all some consideration, though she always tried to keep her mind blank while writing, letting the words come to her as they were. Often she found that hard to do and sometimes even impossible because a stray thought would distract her, causing her to scribble down words with more care.

She reached the last line. It seemed as if she had planned on continuing and wasn't done yet which in a way she wasn't. She could spend hours jotting down and analyzing her own thoughts and concerns, but she could never capture every single one of them. Her mind processed her thoughts faster than she could write them down and her emotions often changed so fast that most of the time she was too late to put them into words, thought she did always try.

She could relive her childhood by flipping through pages. She had recorded everything of importance to her from the day her mom had gotten her a diary for her tenth birthday, though she had stubbornly chosen to refer to it as a journal. A book to write her secrets in - secrets like the time she lied to her best friend's mom so she and Lane could visit the biggest record store they had ever seen in New York, or the time she 'borrowed' a book from Jess, but liked it so much that she never returned it, and the time she had her first daydream about a boy, ironically enough it had been about Dean, her boyfriend.

Rory closed the book, feeling that it wasn't right to leave it open for some reason. She removed the pen from the corner of her mouth and dropped it onto her bed. Her hands were cramped from writing. She wiggled her fingers a few times before pushing herself up into a sitting position with the help of her elbows. Her eyes found her window within an instant and she was glad to see that it wasn't raining anymore. The rain had woken her up this morning and it hadn't stopped until now. She got up from her bed and reached for the nearest sweater, relieved that she could get out of the house to get a cup of coffee.

She finished pulling the sweater over her head while closing the door behind her and she pulled the sleeves down over her hands while heading for the sidewalk, blending into the scene perfectly with its grim background. The whole town seemed to be hidden underneath a thin blanket of raindrops. The sky was a light shade of gray, darkened here and there with even thicker clouds, puddles were scattered throughout the entire town, and the smell of wet leaves lingered everywhere, not matter where you entered; it would slither in through every invisible crack. This kind of weather always made people restless, unable to sit still and focus on just one thing, instead they drank hot chocolate while reading and watching TV, making up lists in their heads at the same time. No one left their house unless they ran out of hot chocolate, tea or coffee, like she had and she was glad to escape the harsh wind by retreating into the heated quarters of Luke's diner.

The bell above the door jollily rang as she entered, reminding her of an old Christmas song, though she probably wouldn't remember the words until it was that time of the year again. Rory made her way over to the counter and sat down with a mirthful smile - a smile she always wore during this type of weather.

Luke noticed her smile, but had enough experience not to ask for the reason behind it because most of the time it wouldn't make any sense to him.

''Hey, Rory, what can I do you for?'' he asked, looking back up at her when he didn't immediately get an answer. She was looking at him, the smile still in place, though the mirth had been replaced by something else, by all knowing amusement. He threw her a look, signaling her to say what was on her mind, bracing himself.

''Dirty,'' she finally said.

Luke glared at her, though a smile hadn't been that far from breaking through. ''I swear, you get more and more like your mom every day.''

''Thank you.''

''Just tell me what you want.''

''Coffee please,'' Rory politely requested.

Luke rolled his eyes as he reached for an empty cup. ''Are you still studying?''

''Yeah, I just needed a break and my break always includes coffee so...''

''Did you get home okay last night?'' Luke asked, continuing with the small talk as he grabbed the coffeepot.

''Yep, I got home in one piece.''

''And your mom?''

''She got home this morning and has been sleeping ever since. I'm sure that she will drop by as soon as she wakes up and realizes that she hasn't had any coffee for almost 12 hours,'' Rory answered.

''Must be a new record for her,'' Luke murmured.

Rory softly laughed, but stopped when Jess came stumbling through the curtains that separated the stairs from the diner. She quickly took in his casual appearance before returning her gaze to Luke, not wanting to catch his eye for the wrong reasons.

''Hey, Luke, can you make that coffee to go, please? I still have some studying to do and I can drink the coffee on my way home so I won't waste any time,'' she rambled, realizing that she was nervous.

Both Luke and Jess glanced at her, though they didn't say anything. Luke just poured the coffee into a paper cup and handed to her.

''Thanks,'' she said as she reached for it. ''See you later, Luke.''

''Yeah, don't study too hard.''

''I won't.'' Rory said.

She stole one more look at Jess, pretending to be interested in the book he was holding, something he didn't miss, though his eyes didn't leave the book until she was already out the door.

-x-x-x-

Rory held the cup between both of her hands, only her fingers revealed as she took a sip of her coffee, trying to take in its smell as she did, but the smell of the rain overpowered once again, like it had sent all of the other ones down the drain. It was a smell that stood for second chances and maybe even new beginnings. She wondered if she wanted all of that. Wasn't she content with what she had? Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Dean cross the street and head in her direction. Wasn't she content with him?

She came to a halt and smiled at him as she waited for him to approach. She opened her mouth to greet him, but was cut of by him as he leaned in and kissed her, taking her by surprise, though she expected it. When she returned the gesture, she could even taste the rain on his lips, erasing the usual taste of peppermint, which he often found himself chewing on, and honey, which was the flavor of the tea he drank every morning. He always tasted like familiarity. They both pulled back with a smile on their face.

''You taste like coffee,'' Dean said.

''Good coffee, right?''

Dean smiled and fell in step with her as she started to walk again.

''Where are you heading?''

''Home.''

''Are you heading home for anything in particular?'' he asked.

Rory threw a sideways glance at him. ''Why do you ask?''

''Well, I'm on my way to meet some of my friends at the old basketball court and I was thinking that maybe you could come and watch.''

''Hmm,'' was all Rory said before taking another sip of her coffee.

''Is that a yes or a no?''

''That's a maybe,'' Rory explained.

''A maybe?''

''Yeah, I mean, it's cold and wet and I still have some more studying to do.''

Dean snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her closer so he could nuzzle his face against her neck. ''So study there, please?'' He kissed the soft skin at the nape of her neck.

Rory smiled as his lips brushed against her skin once more before giving in.

''Okay, but we have to stop by my house first so I can get my stuff.''

-x-x-x-

Rory looked up when a drop of rain hit against the pages of her book. She looked up at the sky, noticing how much darker it was than a couple of hours ago. She quickly closed her books, knowing that it wouldn't be long before the clouds would be on their heaviest and break. The guys on the basketball court realized this, too and their game came to an abrupt end as they each went their separate ways. Dean headed over to her, carrying the ball with him.

''Do you want me to walk you home?'' he thoughtfully offered, though Rory refused by shaking her head.

''No, I'll be fine and I don't want to risk you getting wet by walking me home first.''

''Are you sure?'' Dean asked.

''Positively. Now go, I'll see you later.''

''You will,'' Dean said before leaning in and placing a kiss on her forehead. ''Bye,'' he said before walking off.

Rory watched him until he was out of sight, then she did finally get up and headed for her house, hoping that it would remain dry until she had reached it, but of course, she didn't have such luck. She never did. It started with a steady dripping and ended with the rain pouring down on her, soaking her from head to toe in seconds as she tried her best to keep her books from getting too wet. She let out a frustrated sigh as she ran one of her hands through her hair. When she pulled it back, she was surprised to see that it had stopped raining or so she thought because though she couldn't feel the rain anymore, it was still falling down from the sky. Confused, she looked up and saw the large and protective canvas of an umbrella. She turned her head sideways and once again, came face to face with Jess.

His lips were curled up slightly in amusement. ''Hello to you, too.''

''What are you doing?'' she asked.

''Well,'' Jess started, ''this is an umbrella and right now I am holding it. It's easy, anyone can do it once they've found the right angle.''

Rory rolled her eyes at his answer, aware of the drops of water that fell from her lashes and rolled onto her face. ''You know what I mean.''

''Do I?'' Jess countered.

''Jess.''

He turned his eyes away from her to look at something in the distance. ''I woke up this morning and decided to be a gentlemen for a day.''

''You are impossible,'' Rory murmured.

''And you are wet,'' Jess said, stating the obvious, ''and your books would have been, too, if it wasn't for me.''

''My hero.''

They walked in silence for a few minutes before one of them said another word.

''I was on my break,'' Jess said.

''I'll thank Luke for that later,'' Rory said as she met Jess's eyes once more.

''You do that,'' was all he said before he turned his eyes away again.

They reached her house where Rory mumbled a 'thank you' before hurrying up the steps and disappearing into the house where she would change her clothes first before returning to her earlier position on the bed.

Jess, for some reason, found himself having the urge to go after her. It was something he couldn't explain and it made him wonder if something was there. Maybe it had been there all the time, but they had been too blind to see it.

These last few days he hadn't been blind, he had watched her watching him time and time again, not fully understanding why she did. He knew that if there was indeed something there, he would have to reveal it to the both of them because he knew her, he had known her for years.

* * *

REVIEW! Please? :-) I know, this was bad. I really tried to make it better and make this chapter more exciting, but no matter how hard I tried, I kept coming back to this version. I am slowly working out the plot and this is still a part of the introduction so I hope you'll just stick with me to see how it'll evolve. The plot is still a little blurry to me, but after the first few chapters I think I know exactly where I'm headed.

This seemed to have become a standard message at the bottom of every one of my fics, but I am just saving you the 'agony' of wondering... Anyway, for anyone of you that cares, I also updated my Trory _Torn_, my Roswell fic _Alienated_,and I put up a new Trory one parter, _Follow My Lead. _So, if you have the time or interest... Thanks :-)

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	3. Colorblind

Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the words that flow from it...which eventually lead to the plot. :-)

A/N: Hey! :-) It seems like I have neglected this story which is true in a way, but since I want this story to turn out satisfactory to me I want to take all the time I need to work on the chapters. Plus, I'm also working on a few other things and there's school so... Anyway, the point is that I updated so I hope you'll like it. :-) Oh, and thanks to _Alexia _for beta-ing! :-)

* * *

Colorblind

-x-

For some reason, rain gives me a different outlook on life, a new perspective to see the world from, a chance to rediscover everything I already know. When it rains, I can see the colors fade with every drop that slithers down my window, perfect and pearl shaped as it steals a pigment of color, slowly streaking my world gray and temporarily covering the lively town with somberness. People stay home, hidden away from a world they don't get to live in often, shops close early and only the ones whom don't know what to do with themselves dare to go outside. I disagree. I think that it's the other way around; the ones whom don't know what to do with themselves stay home, looking at the rain from behind their window. I believe that they don't know what they are missing out on; they are too stubborn to change their ways, too attached to the routine of locking themselves up in their houses as soon as one drop of rain has been spotted. They won't get the chance of seeing all that I see on those days - on days like yesterday...

Yesterday is still as fresh on my mind as a wet painting, probably because I haven't stopped thinking about it, meaning not the day per say, but a particular moment in it at a time I can't remember, though I do know that it was late in the afternoon. I was on my way home when the clouds burst open. I was soaked through and through within a single minute and my clothes were heavy from the water that had drenched them. It was cold and I wanted to get home as quickly as I could so I sped up, not noticing in my haste that he had caught up with me. (I like to believe that he had been watching me, though I know that he just happened to be in the right place at the right time.) He was holding an umbrella, one that was big enough for the both of us. In the back of my mind I knew that it didn't matter because I was already cold and wet, but I didn't care; it was a kind gesture on his side, although we both weren't exactly nice to each other. Every word seemed harsh and unkind like the weather. We had to get used to each other; we haven't been that close in a while and I miss it. I miss being able to just turn around and look him in the eye without feeling awkward about it as if he's someone I barely know. I want my hand to be able to brush against his without feeling embarrassed, like I did something wrong and I don't want to be surprised every time he decides to come near me. I want...I want him.

Just looking at those words scares me because I don't think that I myself know what I mean with them. I admit to missing him, though only to myself. I don't think I could ever tell him something like that; I wouldn't want to risk the chance of him not caring while I pour out my heart to him. He's so different from Dean and I haven't figured out yet if that's a good or a bad thing. I do know, however, that Dean will listen to me when I speak and tell me when something is on his mind. He looks at me like no one ever does and he cares. I am blessed to have him and I love him, though I often wonder if it's still in the right way.

I feel clueless and unsure of everything. All I do know, is that last night, I dreamt about the rain.

-x-

In her dream, it had been pouring and the rain clattered loudly against every surface it found. The sky had been colored pitch black by her imagination, lit only here and there by a handful of silver stars. The moon had been full and stood as high as Rory had ever seen. She had been walking through the icy drops of water as they rushed to the ground and despite the way her clothes had clung to her, she couldn't remember feeling anything, maybe the cat-and-dog-weather had already frozen her to the bone, made her numb, unable to feel anything. All around her, there had been nothing to hide under, nothing to shield her from the downpour of water. All she had been able to do was walk and hope that he would show up, bearing an umbrella.

Rory smiled, though her smile faded quickly once she became aware of the rays of sun that found their way through the cracks of gray. When she had woken up this morning, it hadn't been raining anymore. Puddles reminded her of the day before and so did the gray shade of the horizon - a shade that became lighter and lighter as the day progressed. She had found herself sitting in class, just looking out the window a variety of times, wishing that it would start to rain again. By now, the sky had almost entirely cleared up, leaving but a small cloud here and there for her to see. The sun stood halfway across the sky, letting her know that late afternoon was fast approaching.

The bridge creaked as she leaned back, resting her weight on her elbows which were resting upon the dark wood. She was out there alone and had been for about an hour, wishing not to seek out company of any kind. She looked up at the sun through hooded eyes as if she was silently telling it to go away, a childish request, but one that crossed her mind nonetheless. She wanted to feel the droplets of rain against her skin, taste them on her lips once more. It was easy to pretend that she was sitting in the rain if she closed her eyes. The small drops came down gently upon her lips and slid off slowly, giving her the illusion that fingers were lightly fluttering against her skin.

A silly grin spread across her face as she continued with her daydream. She was caught up in her bliss and tried to hold on to it even when her cell phone started ringing. It was a fight she was bound to lose; she knew that and opened her eyes with a sigh. She blindly reached for her phone, taking her time to flip it open before bringing it up to her ear.

''Hello?''

''Sweets? Sweets, where are you? Are you still at school?''

''No,'' Rory said while glancing down at her watch. ''No, mom, I'm not at school.''

''Well, if you aren't at school, at home or here then...''

''Wait,'' Rory interrupted. ''Where's here?''

''On the other side of the rainbow,'' Lorelai answered in a singsong voice.

''And you're wondering why you can't find me...''

''Or is it the other way around? The rainbow is hard to find, you know, especially the other side.''

Rory smiled. ''I'm at the bridge.''

''Got lost on your way to Luke's? I told you that you shouldn't wander around Stars Hollow; you'll find yourself lost before you know it.''

''Yeah, I think you need to get me one of those town maps they sell at Doose's.''

Lorelai lightly chuckled. ''Yeah, we can use different colored markers to color in all of the shortest routes to get from our house to Luke's.''

''And if all else fails, we can use it as wrapping paper.''

''Because nothing says 'Merry Christmas' more like the four sights and two tourist attractions of Stars Hollow,'' Lorelai added.

''Yeah...so I'll meet you at Luke's since you're already there and all?''

''Well, you could meet at home, but I would have to walk all the way back first and...''

''I'll see you in a couple of minutes.''

''I'm giving you five,'' Lorelai said.

''I'll be there.''

Rory hung up and slid her phone into her pocket before getting up. The back of her jeans was wet from sitting on the bridge too long, but she didn't seem to notice as she walked over to the other end of the bridge, her hands slipping into her back pockets as she headed for Luke's. She stepped off the sidewalk and started to cross the street, passing the gazebo on her way. Movement caught her eye and she turned her head a little to get a better look, not expecting the sight she was confronted with. It was the black hair she recognized.

''Jess.''

She slowed down and eventually came to a halt so she could stare at him. She removed her hands from her pockets, rubbing them against the sides of her legs as she took in his horizontal position. He was lying on top of the bench in the gazebo, a girl willingly trapped between it and him as he covered her body with his entirely. She couldn't see his face; it was hidden from her by his dark locks as they lay sprawled out against the girl's forehead. A gasp escaped her lips as she saw him slide his leg in between hers, causing the girl to press herself even tighter against him and he allowed it, doing nothing as she alternated between running her hands through his hair and slipping her hands in his back pockets, clinging to him even more.

''Must have forgotten to bring a book,'' Rory murmured, biting her lip and looking away.

As she hurried over to the diner, almost running, Jess became aware of the sound her sneakers made as they bounced off the sidewalk. It took him less than a second to pull away from Leah and raise his head, knowing instantly in what direction to look. He ignored the pair of hands that were urgently pulling at his shirt as he watched Rory open the door and enter the diner hastily. For a few seconds, his mind was racing with thoughts he wasn't familiar with - thoughts that made him turn his head away from her and finally lower his eyes back down to the girl he was straddling. Her hazel eyes curiously looked up at him. ''Hey, are you okay?''

Jess didn't answer immediately, instead he glanced at the diner once more.

''I...I didn't do anything wrong, did I?'' Leah asked, her tone almost shy.

He returned his gaze to her and smiled, shaking his head. ''No, I was just thinking...''

''About?''

Her sincerity made him look away once more as he wondered what he had gotten her into. Yeah, she liked him, but she had only seen one side of him - the side Rory knew only from a distance. ''...about how wrong this is,'' he finally answered.

A panicked look crossed her face. ''What?'' He could feel her tense up underneath him.

''This is wrong,'' Jess repeated. ''The gazebo isn't a proper place to do this, we should go inside.''

Leah's eyes locked with his and he soon found him copying her smile. ''You mean I finally get to see your room?'' She ran a hand through his hair, moving it away from his face. He didn't know her that long, but he did know that she liked to do that a lot. He wanted to ask her about it, but he refrained from doing so, afraid of crossing the boundaries he had set himself. He shrugged. ''Actually, I don't really have a room per say, but it's better than this...if you want,'' he added as an after thought.

''I'd like that.''

-x-x-x-

Rory closed the door behind her and headed straight for the counter where she had spotted her mom the moment she had come in. She greeted both her mom and Luke while sitting down, getting a smile from Lorelai and a simple nod from Luke before they continued with the conversation they seemed to be wrapped up in. This had happened the last couple of times she would meet her mom at the diner: she would walk in on them having a normal conversation. She never had the heart to interrupt them, knowing that they enjoyed their time together, even if it was just talking. Rory understood because she used to have that with Jess, back when he still had time for her.

A sigh left her without a warning, making her reach for her cell phone. She thought about calling Dean; she needed someone to be with for a little while. She fished her phone out of her pocket, but didn't flip it open, instead she placed directly in front of her on the counter, hoping that Luke would notice so she wouldn't feel so left out. Her mom laughed, the door of the diner opened and Luke's face shot up, making her believe that another customer had entered.

''Where were you?'' Luke's voice boomed through the room.

''I was on my break.''

A shudder ran through Rory's body as she heard him speak, wondering if Luke saw through the lie and if he ever got sick of dealing with Jess's antics; she did.

''You were gone for the entire afternoon,'' Luke pointed out, irritated by how Jess could walk through the door without giving any explanation at all for his actions.

Jess shrugged. ''I lost track of time.'' He reached for Leah's hand and started to lead her towards the stairs, passing by Rory without acknowledging her.

''Who's your friend?'' Lorelai asked, always curious to new names and faces.

Jess wanted to say 'no one', but he stopped himself from doing so. ''Leah.''

Leah looked at him, a bit of surprise visible on her face. He avoided her gaze and let go of her hand, bringing his own to his pocket. Leah looked at him for a few seconds before turning to the others in the room. ''I'm Leah King... It's my fault Jess didn't make it back on time; see, we have to read this book for Literature, something I'm so not good at, and he offered to help me. So...sorry.''

''Did she just introduce herself?'' Lorelai asked while looking at Luke.

''You heard her,'' Luke answered. He cleared his throat before continuing. ''Well, Leah, was it? It's nice to meet you. I'm Luke, his uncle.''

''Uncle?'' Leah whispered while leaning in a little closer to Jess.

He dismissed her question without giving it a second thought, not wanting to get into it.

''And I'm Lorelai, if anyone cares and that's the younger version of me, Rory.''

''Her daughter,'' Luke quickly added.

Leah let her eyes wander off to Rory whom looked up briefly to throw her a smile before lowering her gaze back down to the counter. ''She's even more shy me,'' she softly said.

Jess didn't respond as he brought his eyes over to Rory, giving her a quick once over before returning his gaze to Luke. ''Well, now that she has meet the happy clan...we're going upstairs.''

''If that's okay?'' Leah asked thoughtfully.

Luke nodded.

''Thank you.''

Jess nodded turned his head a little to look at Leah, though his gaze kept switching from her to Rory and back again. ''Listen, you go ahead, okay?''

''But...''

''I'll be up,'' Jess promised. ''Just give me two minutes.''

''Yeah, sure.'' Leah said, her voice trailing off thoughtfully as he looked at Rory over his shoulder.

''She's nice,'' Lorelai remarked as soon as Leah had disappeared through the curtains and up the stairs.

''Yeah, almost too...''

Jess rolled his eyes. ''Thanks for the support, Luke.''

''You can't blame me, Jess. Most of your girlfriends were, well...''

''They didn't wear any pants,'' Lorelai said. ''If they sat down or leaned over you could see straight up their...''

''Lorelai,'' Luke warned.

''What?! You could! I swear! Right, Ror?''

''Mom,'' Rory said, lifting her head slightly.

''What?! Girls who dress like that are bound to be talked about behind their backs,'' Lorelai defended.

''Nice,'' Rory commented.

''I'm with her on that,'' Jess said.

Rory still didn't look at him. ''It's Jess's decision whom he dates or not, though I like Leah better than the other ones; she seems nice.''

One simple comment on Lorelai's side got her back into an argument with Luke to both Rory and Jess's relief. They both looked at each other briefly, unsure of what to do with the awkward silence they found themselves wrapped up in. Rory thought of breaking it, but ended up looking at her cell phone instead, deep in thought. Jess watched her for a couple of seconds before he reached for an empty coffee cup. He interrupted her cycle of thoughts by placing a cup that was filled to the rim with coffee in front of her. His simple action made her look up. ''Thanks.''

''Same here,'' Jess said.

Rory threw him half a smile. ''I meant it, she seems really nice.'' Her eyes found his, though still partially hidden behind a few strands of hair.

He reached out his hand, too quick for her to follow, and wiped the stray locks aside. While he pulled his hand back, Rory softly laughed at his sudden action. ''Was it bothering you?''

''Somewhat,'' Jess said before turning around and also disappearing through the curtains, leaving Rory sitting at the counter, alone.

She looked down at her coffee, getting up soon after. She said something to her mom about going home and left. Outside, she shook her head until the strands Jess had brushed aside were hanging in front of her face again. She caught her reflection in one of the puddles. Frustrated, she jumped into it.

* * *

REVIEW! Please? :-) I know that some people may dislike Jess because of how he treated Rory and what not, but I still think that his character was one of the most intriguing ones on the series and I think that he is a decent actor with even better looks. :-) Anyway (!), I really hope you liked it because I actually did this time! I was happy with most of it. :-) What do you think of Jess's character so far? (and Leah's?) I know that he might be a tad OOC, but I like him like this. Lemme know! Oh, and of course I have to thank all of you that took the time to review! I definitely appreciate it and it gives me a bit more confidence about my writing. So, thanks! :-)


	4. If only

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

**A/N: **Hey :-) I know that it has been a while since I updated this story, but just since recently, I have had more interest in writing Trories, however I seem to have been refueled with new interest for this story and Jess's character, although school and my therefore lack of time are often proving to be great obstacles. I will try my best to work on as many projects as I can, though :-) I hope that this chapter will be somewhat to your satisfaction and thanks again to for taking the time to beta. :-)

* * *

If only...

_-x-x-x- _

Envy: a worthless emotion; there's nothing to gain, but everything to lose. It puts everything on the line and leaves your heart dangling dangerously from a string and if you take a chance and cut the cord, the fall might end up being fatal; your heart will be broken, left in pieces for all to see.

Jealousy always leads to the worse places - places you dream of being at, but wish not to be at once you're actually there. I read that somewhere and never forgot it because I always believed that it was true, though I'm not so sure anymore. I dream of being somewhere and someone else. Lately, the place I wish to be is in her shoes; I want to be her. I wish I could be her for a day, just one so I have enough time to discover what it would be like to be followed by his eyes whenever I move. I just want to know what it would be like and how it would feel, how I would feel, but in order to get that, I have too many obstacles to overcome, too many doubts and insecurities.

Maybe the leap is simply too big for me to take; I have to be sure that I will make the jump. I have to be sure that I really want it.

I also must not forget that I am not only considering to put my heart on the line, but am also putting Dean's heart on the line and I'm not sure if I want that, risking my all for possibly nothing when I already have everything. How do I know that when I reach my goal I won't regret it all? I already know that I don't want to hurt Dean, Jess, or Leah so I don't even know why I'm thinking about this. Jess looks happy enough when Leah's around; he smiles more often.

I think that she may be the right person to motivate and inspire him, the person to make him smile, to make him happy and I think that she might be good for him.

-x-x-x-

Rory pushed her diary aside while looking up, her eyes instantly drawn to the counter, lingering there before hesitatingly looking up at the figure behind it. It was inevitable from the angle she sat at and in the last hour, her gaze had frequently wandered, trying not to include Leah in the picture as she framed it; she knew that it would fit. Her eyes dropped down to the book that was loosely tucked between his fingers, knowing that it was only for show; he and picture perfect Leah were wrapped up in a conversation, one that bared too many intimate smiles and secretive glances. When Leah finally reached for his hand and started to lightly strum his fingers with her own, an invisible line had been crossed and she looked away, her lashes cascading, pulling down the curtain on his sight while she sunk her teeth into her lower lip, trying to push back the bitterness before it could take over and run wild with her emotions.

Her eyes landed upon the stack of empty sheets in front of her, drenched in unspoken words as the sunlight illuminated them. The assignment lay to the right of her, partly covered by her diary, reminding her of why the sheets were still unwritten. She read over her homework once more, comprehending what she was supposed to do, but not the context of the additional pages. Lacking both the will and care, she reached for her coffee cup only to find it empty. With another sigh, she took a hold of her spoon and started to stir while she retreated into the chambers of her thoughts for a few seconds. Eventually, she let the spoon fall back against the surface of the coffee cup with a loud ping, not having the heart to interrupt whatever moment Jess and Leah seemed to be caught up in.

Rory grabbed her pen and brought it to her mouth, chewing on it as she leaned over the table once more, casting only her shadow instead of her knowledge upon it. Meanwhile, the daily routine in the diner went on as it did before, paying no attention at all to the two great minds who were more alike than would ever be brought to light. People continued to enter and exit the diner as they pleased, their footsteps no longer disturbing her because it was how it had been ever since she was just a little small town girl. She didn't bother to look up and be distracted until her coffee cup was refilled up to the brim with steaming coffee. The smell was irresistible to her. She planned on sending the person who had done her the courtesy on their with a simply 'thank you', though she lost all will and courage when she found herself eye to eye with a warm shade of chocolate brown. Her nerves kicked in and made her more vulnerable to him than she felt comfortable with; they grew up together, they had read each other from cover to cover, and they used to be friends, maybe even best friends if he had allowed her to use those words.

''Jess,'' she exclaimed.

He simply nodded, not trying to make the situation any less awkward for her. He just stood there, coffeepot in hand, book stuffed in his back pocket as he looked at her, finally staring her down.

''Thanks for the coffee,'' she said.

''That's what I'm here for. You want anything else?''

''Uhm...no thanks. I think I'm fine for now,'' she mumbled, tightening the death grip she already had on her pen.

Jess nodded again. ''Just call me if you need anything else.'' He turned on his feet and started to casually head over to another table, only to have her look at him from behind her lashes.

Rory nervously started to tap her pen against the table while biting her lip, looking at her assignment before returning her eyes to Jess's retreating figure. She let her teeth rake over her bottom lip before making up her mind. ''Hey, Jess,'' she said, just loud enough for him to hear.

''Yeah?'' he inquired while turning around and looking at her, his brown eyes looking almost seductive underneath his even darker locks.

''Can you help me with something? Homework?''

He walked back over to her, placing the coffeepot on a vacant table he passed. ''Homework?''

''Yeah, I have to do this assignment for my Lit class, but I can't seem to fully get the passages they included and since I know that you read a lot I figured that you might be able to help me?''

He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

Rory's eyes lowered themselves. ''You don't have to, I was just wondering so if you...''

''No, I'm just surprised,'' he said, his voice much closer to her than before.

She glanced sideways, finding that he was standing beside her. He placed one hand on the back of her chair, his fingers brushing against her back lightly while he slid the other one in his pocket. Her heartbeat fluttered as he leaned over the table a bit more. She fought to control her breathing as he read over the assignment, glancing sideways whenever she could to watch him read. The third time she looked his way, he caught her, smiling to himself when she looked away, the red on her cheeks the only evidence.

''So, can you help me?'' she asked, nervously tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears.

Jess smiled. ''Yeah, it's...''

''Jess.''

Both Jess and Rory looked up. Leah gave Rory a quick once-over before locking eyes with Jess whom reluctantly removed his hand from Rory's chair. ''Why don't you come back after closing time?'' was all he said, but it was enough.

Rory nodded. ''Yeah, sure. I didn't mean to keep you.''

''You didn't,'' he uttered gently, walking off before she could reply, though currently she was unsure of what to say.

She sighed while looking down at her still unfinished homework.

''Why the deep sigh, dear?''

''It's just...homework,'' Rory weakly explained to Mrs. Patty who sat at a table behind her.

''Ah...you know what might help? Taking a break. You're still young and when you're young, you are still allowed to have fun every now and then.''

Rory smiled. ''Thanks, maybe I will take a break.''

''Good,'' Mrs. Patty said, satisfied with her advice. ''My, my, look at those two lovebirds. Doesn't she seem perfect for him? Just what he needs?''

Rory didn't look up as she answered. ''Yeah, perfect.''

''Just like you and Dean,'' Mrs. Patty commented.

This time, Rory said nothing as she started to gather her stuff together and pick it up, only to drop it again about fifteen minutes later on the reception desk at _The Inn _where her mom was currently on the phone. Lorelai waved at Rory and made a face, making her crack a small smile.

''...Yes, Mr. Malcolm, I see your point. So I will book two rooms on your name, one for you and your wife and the other one for just your wife in case you two get into one of those arguments you've mentioned, right?... Yes, I will personally make sure that everything is in order for your arrival... Yes...uhuh...well, that's what we're here for... Okay, I'll see you and your wife tomorrow then. Have a nice day.''

Lorelai hung up the phone, putting it aside as she threw Rory a smile. ''Hey, sweets, what are you doing here?''

Rory shrugged. ''I was bored...or something.''

''Uhuh...what are those?'' Lorelai asked while nodding at the books that now covered the desk.

''Homework. Literature to be exact and I'm having trouble with it. You wouldn't be able to help me, would you?''

Her mom gave her a sympathized look. ''Sorry, babe, but all I read is _Vogue _and even there I have to look up the really big words.''

Rory sighed.

Lorelai pouted. ''I'm sorry, I'm a bad mother for not being able to help you with your homework.''

Rory smiled. ''I just need a break. I'm sure I'll figure it out later, although I think I already crossed the desperation line since I asked Jess for help.''

''Ah, sweetie, you're not desperate, Jess carries a book with him everywhere so of course you asked him.'' Lorelai paused as she took Rory's books and neatly stacked them up into a pile. ''You should just forget about your homework for a little while and focus on something else like...oh, like eating! There are cookies in the kitchen, Sookie just took them out of the oven so...''

Rory shook her head. ''No, that's okay. I just want to do something, maybe even something useful to really challenge me.''

Her mom reached for the phone and handed it to her. ''Want to play Michel?'' She wiggled the phone in front of Rory's nose. ''I'll even let you insult some of the people.''

Rory smiled and took the phone.

-x-x-x-

That night, Rory went back to the diner after closing time, knocking on the door twice as she waited for Jess to open the door, not expecting him to remember, although he did.

-x-x-x-

A couple of hours later, when the darkness had already spread and the moon hung from the sky, one of the small tables in the diner had been scattered with sheets of papers, a couple of pens, hers blue and his black, various books which masked her diary from him, and a few empty cups, the remains either coffee or chocolate milk.

''I think we're done,'' Rory said while stretching her arms above her head, exhausted from sitting in the same position from so long.

''Huh, so it seems,'' Jess replied, not missing the seductive movement she made with her long limbs as she arched her back and tugged at the air with her fingers. He looked away quickly as she let her arms fall back down to her sides and looked at him, her blue bedroom eyes irresistible to him, although he couldn't manage to look into them for more than a few seconds at a time. ''Do you want some more coffee?''

Her lips curved into a smile, although she shook her head. ''No, I think I should be getting home; my mom's probably waiting for me. Thanks for helping me, though,'' she said as she started to bring some order into the loose pieces of paper.

''Any time.''

She paused briefly with her actions and looked at him. ''Do you mean that?''

Jess met her eyes, silently counting the seconds before he averted his gaze. ''Yeah, sure, why not?'' He got up, calmer on the outside than he was on the inside.

There was no response. Rory just continued collecting her stuff. ''I've never heard you talk as much as you did tonight, you know,'' she remarked, getting up from her seat, her arms filled with books and paper.

Jess reached for the empty mugs and started to stack them up just to busy himself.

She watched him, a short silence following. ''Well, I better get going,'' she said, accepting the fact that she wouldn't be able to unravel all of his mysteries in one night, though she had wanted to; she had wanted to be ahead of Leah, know more about him than she did just because. She had no better reason but jealousy to back it up.

He nodded, taking a step back from the table and pushing his hands into his pockets. ''You want me to drive you?''

''No, I'll just walk.''

''If you insist.''

Rory smiled. ''Goodnight, Jess.''

She was out the door before he could give her a reply.

He locked the door and finished closing up the diner while she was on her way home, her pace slow, almost leisurely; she liked being outside on her own at night with nothing but the night to shade her, the late night howl of the wind to listen to, and the empty streets and dark buildings to look at. All of the stores were closed, except for _Doose's Market _where the last lights were turned off as she passed it, not looking back to see who was the one that had to lock up this night, although the person did see her.

''Rory!''

She halted, recognizing the voice. She turned to look over her shoulder at the figure, features becoming visible once it stepped out into the moonlight. ''Dean, hey. What are you doing out so late?'' she said, asking the obvious.

Dean caught up with her with ease, the keys to _Doose's _jingling as he walked. He held up the keys for her to see. ''I had to lock up this time.''

Rory shifted the books in her hand. He offered to take them from her, but she declined. ''Taylor trusts you, huh?''

''Guess so,'' Dean said as they started to walk. ''So what are you still doing out? I'm guessing by the books that it wasn't one of your late night video runs.''

''No, it wasn't,'' she agreed.

''So what, you and Lane had a study date or something?''

''Not exactly,'' Rory started, ''the study part is true, though. See, I had this assignment for my Literature class and it was really really hard so...''

''You asked someone to help you,'' Dean finished.

Rory nodded. ''Yep, even geniuses have their weak moments.''

''Who helped you?'' he asked, curious. ''Was it someone I know?''

''Kind of.''

''Do I have to guess or...''

Rory sighed. ''Jess helped me.''

''Jess,'' Dean repeated.

''Yeah... Are you mad?''

''No, of course not, why would I be mad? You needed the help and he helped you, right?''

She nodded. ''I would have told you, but I just asked him this afternoon.'' Another sigh followed. ''Are you sure you're not mad?''

Dean glanced at her and chuckled. ''You are so paranoid. He just helped you with your homework, that's all, right?''

''Well, yeah...''

''Then stop worrying,'' Dean said while loosely wrapping an arm around her waist and gently pulling her closer. He took her books from her with his free hand and placed a kiss on her hair. ''Come on, I'll walk you home.''

''Thanks,'' Rory replied as she snuggled into the nook of his arm a bit more, glad that her journal was safely tucked away at the bottom of the small pile.

* * *

**REVIEW! Please? :-) **I hope you read the A/N at the beginning at the story, but I won't blame you if you didn't 'cause I can see how you would want to get to the story since that is what this site is for. :-) Currently, I am working on three things and will try to balance them as best as I can, though I can promise absolutely nothing since it all depends on my time and both my and your interest, of course. :-) I would like to thank all of you who have taken the time to leave me a review, something I really appreciate since I am always trying to improve my writing and characterizations so please let me know what you think of anything and everything. :-) Thanks :-) 


	5. Fooling Around

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

**A/N:** It's definitely been a while since I've updated this story, but I've been busy and to be honest, I'm not as motivated as I used to be on writing Literati's. Yes, Jess is still an intriguing character, but I don't feel as passionate about writing him as I did before. My interest is lacking, though don't underestimate me; I will finish this story, just at a pace that I feel comfortable with. Please read the A/N at the bottom en enjoy :) I apologize for the mistakes 'cause this chapter has yet to be beta-ed.

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Fooling Around

-x-x-x-

Lately, I've been distracted...

I think it's because I keep playing hide and seek with my feelings. It's a tiring game; just when I come across one of them, another one disappears only to appear again later on, confusing me just when I think that I've finally found some peace of mind.

I am messing with my own mind, but I find that it's the only way for me to stay the way I am, wrapped up in a protective bubble for people to look at, and I, well, I choose the ones that can take a step closer. I always choose the ones that have honest eyes - eyes that I can let myself drown in and allow me to really see the person across from me.

Dean has those honest eyes. They make me smile, yet he hasn't managed to come close enough to truly see me while I know all about him... He has good and bad sides like everyone else, though he has more good than bad ones. I do, too. Most people do or pretend that they do and hide the bad sides; having bad sides means that you're different from most other people; it makes you stand out and standing out in such a crowd is hardly ever a good thing.

I find it amazing because it takes indifference.

It takes an individual to stand out.

Jess has more bad than good sides.

He and I clash, though maybe that is what makes him so...interesting. He doesn't care about how close he is allowed to get and his eyes aren't honest. He would rip through the delicate walls of my bubble without thinking twice and he would see right through me.

I don't like people watching me; they only do it to see when I'll slip and mess up. Maybe he does it, too, but he doesn't show it.

I want his mask.

-x-x-x-

Rory closed her journal just as the bus came to a stop. She slid it into her book bag, letting it slip safely between her school-books before zipping up her bag and getting up. She slung it over her shoulder as she got off the bus, heading directly for the diner. Once she reached the door, she paused, hesitating as she looked through the window. Leah sat at the counter. It didn't surprise her; every one of Jess's girlfriends eventually ended up hanging at the diner, though this time it was different. She knew because of how Jess treated Leah. He was more gentle with her than he normally was with his girlfriends and it scared her; for once, Jess seemed serious about a girl.

She wasn't used to another girl taking her place.

Leah even drank coffee.

Rory entered the diner. As she walked over to the counter, one of her hands went to straighten her skirt. She felt uncomfortable in her uniform and even somewhat silly. She should have changed before coming here; she stood out in the crowd. She was out of place. Her eyes took in Leah's appearance. She had the same dark hair as Jess and wore the same t-shirts as him - t-shirts that Rory couldn't pull off; she didn't have an edge to her.

She sat down at the counter, making sure that there was an empty stool between her and Leah. She caught a glimpse of the small butterfly piercing that glimmered just below the hem of her shirt and looked away. She liked stars better.

Luke appeared from the kitchen, grabbing a coffeepot and mug before coming to a halt in front of Rory. He saw Leah from the corner of his eye, but said nothing; he had already greeted her when she had come in earlier.

''Hey, Luke,'' Rory greeted with a warm smile.

Luke nodded while pouring her coffee. ''How was school?''

Rory shrugged and took the mug from him. ''Normal.''

''Good.''

''Yeah, it is... Hey, has my mom been by yet?''

Luke shook his head. ''I haven't seen her since this morning.''

''Okay, thanks.'' She brought the cup to her lips as Luke went back to work. When she put her mug back down on the counter, Leah shifted in her seat and turned to look at her. ''Hey, I didn't see you there.''

Rory shrugged. ''I'm used to it.''

A smile temporarily sealed Leah's lips as she looked back down at her hands, briefly scanning her chipped nail polish before continuing, ''So, how did the studying go?''

''I'm sorry, the studying?''

Leah looked at Rory again. ''Yeah, you know, last night?'' Her eyes returned to her nails. ''Jess told me that he helped you with an assignment.''

''Oh,'' was all Rory managed to say. Jess had told her.

''Did he offer?'' Leah asked.

''No, I asked.''

Leah nodded, her voice calm as she spoke, ''Don't do it again, okay?''

Rory looked up at Leah. She opened her mouth to say something, but was unable to find any words. Instead, she chose to drank her coffee in silence. When she heard the curtains rustle, she cast her eyes down quickly. She knew it was him just from the way the fabric had rustled. While he leaned over the counter and kissed Leah, she reached for some change. She placed it on the counter without making a noise while getting up, planning on sneaking out unnoticed, though he saw her. He always did.

''Leaving?'' Jess asked, pocketing his hands and focusing his eyes on Rory.

His attention made her nervous.

Leah looked at her nails once more, pretending not to pay any attention, though she caught every word and look that was exchanged between the two.

''Yeah,'' Rory uttered. ''I have homework.'' She picked up her book bag. ''I'll see you later.''

''Bye, Rory,'' Leah said while throwing a quick glance in her direction.

Rory briefly met Leah's eyes and was able to come up with a smile. ''Yeah, see ya.'' She turned around and headed for the door, not having any reason to stay any longer. Once she reached the door, she couldn't help but glance back. Upon seeing Leah behind the counter, pulling Jess in the direction of the stairs, she lowered her eyes. She could only imagine what went on between them when no one was around to see. She sank her teeth into her lower lip, biting down until it hurt. When she lifted her gaze back up, Jess was there to catch it. He threw her a careful smile, unsure of where his boundaries lay. She didn't return the smile, nor did she stick around long enough for him to search her eyes for the reason. She left; it was the right thing to do.

On her way home she passed Doose's and glanced in out of habit. Dean saw her and smiled, lifting his hand to wave. This time, she did return the smile, though she didn't go in. She kept walking.

x-x-x-

That evening, when dusk had already fallen over the small town, Rory found her way over to the lake, sitting down at its edge while most people had retreated to the sanctuary of their homes by now. The shades enveloped her and hid her in their darkness. A hushed stillness made her feel at peace, though the thoughts in her head kept roaming, not giving her a second to catch her breath; she would have her peace later, when she would close her eyes and stumble into her dreams still hazy with the day's events, though even those slipped away eventually.

Somewhere leaves rustles and near, the woorden boards of the bridge creaked. The noise wasn't brought on by the wind as it eerily made its presence know every now and then, pulling at her hair just to get her attention, though when she would turn her head, the wind had already pulled back. By now, Rory knew all of it's tricks and no longer looked up when she heard a sound she couldn't place, though this time it was a sound she knew all too well. She recognized the way he walked, placing his feet wherever, not caring about the silence he disturbed. She cared, though he didn't always pay attention to it, nor was she as careful around him as she used to be. He didn't come around here a lot, not anymore.

He sat down next to her without saying anything, expecting her to take the first step and she would, eventually. They sat side by side, close enough to touch, though both were careful enough not to. They couldn't afford to touch; she had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. Her relationship was old while his was young, something that didn't matter, but they still kept in the back of their minds. Things weren't the same, they hadn't been the same for a long time, but now, it felt as if they had even a longer distance to bridge.

Suddenly, a smile smoothed out on her face. ''Remember when we jumped into the lake?''

His brow wrinkled as he searched for the memory, not having to look as far as he had expected. He nodded. ''We dared each other.''

''All we had on was our underwear,'' she reminded him.

''And the water was cold,'' he added, completing the image for her.

Rory wistfully smiled at the memory while the wrinkles in Jess's brow deepened. He looked at her, catching the intent way she had her eyes fixed on the lake. A faint smile appeared on his face while the ridges in his forehead smoothed themselves out. ''We could do it again,'' he said.

Her head turned and her eyes locked on his face. ''I'm not jumping in the lake in my underwear.''

''Why not?''

She shrugged while looking back over at the lake. ''We're older now.''

The silence returned, though it wavered quickly.

''I dare you to,'' he said.

His eyes were shining as she found them once more. Finally, she nodded, giving in. ''Fine, but if I'm jumping then you're jumping.''

He agreed.

They stood up to remove their clothing, keeping their eyes on the lake as they stripped down to their underwear. When they turned to look at each other, he remained indifferent while she became shy and self-conscious underneath his dark gaze. ''You first,'' he said, knowing that it scared her to be the one who had to make the first move.

She shook her head. ''Last time we jumped together.''

''As you wish,'' he said and held out his hand. She took it, slipping her fingers delicately in between his.

They moved to the edge of the bridge, glancing down at the dark pool of water before looking at each other once more.

''If you let go,'' she started, though he cut her off. ''I won't,'' he assured.

She looked back at the water. ''On three.''

''One,'' he started.

''Two,'' she followed.

''Three,'' they both said, tightening their grip on each other as they jumped.

Even when they disappeared underwater, they didn't let go. Jess was the first to find the surface and pulled Rory up with him. Once they caught their breath, they turned to look at each other, fingers still entwined. Both shivered.

''The water's cold,'' she whispered, watching as he moved closer, seeking out her body heat and for a few reckless seconds, she let him. She was caught up in the moment and lost in his eyes, though she took a step back before she allowed him to get too close. ''I have to get home.''

He let her hand slip from his and nodded, watching as she backed away from him. He said nothing as she got out of the water and started to dress herself, her back turned to him. Fully dressed, she met his eyes once more, leaving without giving him a reason once more.

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**REVIEW! Please :)** I doubt that there are still people out there who are reading this story 'cause the Literati action on this site has been slowly decreasing, something that I understand since there are a lot of other pairing out there to explore. I'm doing it, too, but yet I hope, no matter how much I enjoy writing fanfiction, that I am not posting this for myself. I'll also be updating my Trory _Torn _and my Rogan, (that's what they call them, right?) _Caught _so if you have the interest and time to spare, please check 'em out. Thank you :) 


	6. A Bridge to Burn

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

**A/N:** Hey :-) Once again it has taken me a while to update, but since I want this story to turn out as good as it can, I will take the risk of not updating every week, though don't think that I won't try 'cause I really do love to write. :-) Oh, one more thing before I leave you guys to read the story, my beta told me that I didn't need her anymore and although I'm not so sure about that just yet, I posed this chapter without sending it to her so please tell if there are mistakes in the grammar etc; I still have a lot to learn about the English language. :-)

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A Bridge to Burn

-x-x-x-

Jess isn't one to wear his heart out on his sleeve, though sometimes, I wish he would; it would make things easier if I knew what was going on with him.

And I wish he wouldn't try so hard to keep people upon a distance, to keep me upon a distance; it tends to get tiring.

Sometimes, when I am able to get close enough and his eyes flicker with something I can't seem to put my finger on, he gives me glimpses, snapshots in a disarranged order to keep me satisfied and most of the time, it is enough to satisfy me and to keep me from getting too close.

I wish he would just give in.

Last night, he almost did; it was in his eyes, in the way he looked at me, and in the way his touches had lingered.

Both his eyes and fingers had burned.

Still, I stopped him. I stopped myself from getting too close. I didn't follow my heart, but did do what was right, what I knew was right, though it felt wrong to be the one backing away this time. He felt it, too, though he said nothing, he never does. He gives me my space and time to figure things out, he always does yet he's always the one to make the first move and to walk up to me, his way of making sure that our relationship is still intact.

He only pretends not to care.

In his head, he carries the same memories as me, unable to forget, no matter what comes between us. With Leah however, I'm not so sure; for the first time, I'm on the sidelines, able to do nothing but watch as he keeps slipping. I have no say in their relationship and I don't want to. I might not care about her, but I do want him to be happy and if she makes him that, then I don't want to be the one who stands in the way. I'll just watch and hope as I tip-toe around town so I won't disturb them too much. It's what Leah wants and maybe it's what he wants.

Ironic, how now I'm the one keeping him upon a distance.

In my mind, I have this story that I keep on repeat just to keep myself believing that things could be different. Actually, it's more like a fairy tale...

It's about how one day, a dark prince meets a strikingly beautiful queen who herself carries many of the prince's traits. They seem to be the perfect match with the 'happily ever after' just lurking around the corner, although it doesn't come, not for them. The queen ends up being too dark, even for the prince himself and he decides to leave her, escaping into the woods when all of the trees are hidden within the raven colored night. The prince gets lost and is happy when finally, in the morning, a fair princess comes across him. She takes him to her castle and offers him to stay for as long as he wants. The prince instantly falls for her pure and kind heart and they kiss right before the story comes to a happy ending.

In reality however, the prince and happy ending weren't meant for me; they were meant for her. It isn't fair because she already has it all; she has him. I don't even think she realizes what she has, but I do...

I wish things were different.

-x-x-x-

Rory dropped her pen with a sigh, watching as it came to a halt in the middle of the two fully written pages before her. Her fingers ached.

Her eyes left her journal to travel up to her window. Her heart ached from withdrawal; she had managed to stay out of his way for almost an entire day. Being at school had been the easiest on her; he hadn't been there, although her thoughts kept sidetracking, stuck on a set of chocolate eyes and a pool of water that was close to matching them. Once she had gotten off the bus, it had become harder with each step; the memories were so close by that she could lose herself in them if she lingered too long.

She had wanted to go see him the second she had closed the door behind her, though she hadn't; instead, she had buried herself deep within a pile of homework, fighting off the urges as they came and went. The last time, she had dug her fingers into the fabric of her sheets, holding on for her dear life as she strained to keep herself seated.

They used to be able to go days, weeks even without speaking to one and other.

The memory made it hurt more; she didn't want to go back to that place, a place where neither of them noticed when their eyes crossed and where she missed out on hours of sleep, wondering whether they were still friends or not. They were and always would be, although she wasn't sure if she would be able to share him.

Her eyes dropped back down to her journal. She would go and see him, but something in Leah's voice kept her from doing so. Leah's tone had been sweet all the while talking to her, too sweet, as if she had sugarcoated her kindness so hardly anyone would see through it, so Jess wouldn't see through it.

The thought made it harder for her to breathe; she was jealous.

Rory reached for her curtains, wanting to see what she already suspected as she tugged them slightly to the side. Dusk had already veiled the town with its shadows, leaving but a few streaks of dying daylight to illuminate random bits and pieces of stores and houses that stood along the main road. The final hours of the day would soon be passing.

She pulled her hand back, letting the sheets of fabric fall back into their former place. He would have noticed by now that there was something wrong; he had a knack for seeing straight though her. She knew that it was too late to feed him thoughtfully made up lies and carefully considered words. She might not be able to read him, but he knew how to read her all too well. It was something that she hated, but he loved because it made each word they exchanged more complicated and each glance seem like more.

Hearing her mom's jeep come up the driveway, she reached to close her journal, sliding it underneath the books that lay scattered across her bed just as the front door opened. In her mind, she calculated the number of seconds it would take for her mom to check on her; she always did.

When there was a knock on her door, Rory brought her eyes down to her schoolwork, feigning the look of concentration on her face as the door opened. Lorelai remained standing in the door's frame as she looked over at her daughter, greeting her with a smile Rory caught when it was already fading. ''Hey brainiac,'' Lorelai said, her voice not as cheerfully loud as it usually was, knowing that when it came to school, her daughter was serious.

Rory's brow wrinkled at her mom's words. ''That's the best you can do? The last time you used it I was seven,'' she pointed out, smiling.

''Luckily for me, the word is timeless... Besides, I couldn't come up with anything else that was witty enough and you have to admit that 'hey brainiac' sounds better than 'hey, you overly smart person' which was all I had a couple of seconds ago.''

''Sounds like your imagination is on a strike.''

''On a temporary strike,'' Lorelai added, watching as Rory rolled her eyes. ''A strike is always temporary.''

''Not always.''

''Name one strike that lasted for an eternity,'' Rory dared her mother.

''Well, there was this thing a few years ago were people wanted more money so they went on a strike...''

''That only lasted a few days, a week tops.''

Lorelai crossed her arms. ''Well, for the very old people among the strikers it must have seemed like forever. I mean, their limbs are all worn and pretty much used up so maybe they died of exhaustion on the last day of the strike.''

''Looks like you're imagination is no longer on strike.''

A grin appeared on Lorelai's face. ''It likes me again. I knew it wouldn't let me down; I don't think it would be able to survive without me.''

''Or is it the other way around?'' Rory commented.

''Now there's something to think about.'' Lorelai paused, taking in the mess of paper and books on Rory's bed. ''So, does this mean that we're not going to Luke's tonight?''

Rory lowered her gaze. ''I still have some work to do, but you can go to Luke's without me and just bring me back something.''

''No way, sister. You stuck with me during your birth so I will stick with you through this, no matter how dull it may be.''

''You jump, I jump,'' Rory responded.

''Amen! Wait, that only counts when there isn't a bridge or a high building involved.''

''Since you're being so cooperative, I think that you've earned yourself the right to decide what

toppings you want on our pizza,'' Rory offered.

''And since you desperately need a break, you've earned yourself the right to go to _Doose's _and pick out a selection of junk-food!''

''I knew I was setting myself up for something,'' Rory mumbled while getting up from her bed, taking her mom's money with dread; she hoped Jess had to work tonight.

-x-x-x-

Once she was inside _Doose's_, Rory let out a sigh. Relieved she headed into one of the many aisles; Jess wouldn't be caught dead in here. Her boyfriend being the reason; for some reason, Jess didn't get along with him, although he had never even bothered to try. He was stubborn, too stubborn for his own good.

She maneuvered herself through the aisle with practiced care, stopping every now and then to reach for the junk-food she was here to get. Her mind occupied with countless thoughts, she didn't even pay attention to what she was throwing into her basket. Caught up within a daze, she headed for the cash-register, placing her basket onto the counter without looking up. A light touch broke her spiral of thoughts. ''Hey, you okay?''

With her smile in place, Rory looked up. ''Hey,'' she returned almost dreamily.

The worry was erased from the pair of hazel eyes before her. ''Hey.''

''You already said that,'' she playfully said, breaking eye contact with him when his gaze burned too deep.

Dean followed her lead and cast his eyes down, too. ''So, movie-night, huh?''

''Something like that.'' Rory let a few seconds of silence pass as she watched him scan another article. ''I still have some more studying to do so we just decided to order pizza.''

''That's why I haven't seen you around all day.''

He rang everything up and she reached for her back-pocket, retrieving the money her mom had given her earlier. She handed it too him and he took it, their fingers lightly touching. ''Yeah, I've been busy, but you could have dropped by if you wanted, you know.''

His eyes briefly locked with hers. He nodded. ''I know, but I also know how important school is to you. We can always hang out tomorrow or something.'' His eyes left hers as he started to bag her groceries.

Rory smiled at his action. ''You can come if you want.''

''Tonight?''

''Yeah, unless you have to work a late shift.''

''Actually, you're my last customer.'' Dean handed her the bag.

''You're coming then?'' Rory asked while quickly glancing at him.

''Yeah, I just have to let Taylor know that I'm leaving and grab my jacket. You can go on home if you want.''

She shook her head. ''I wouldn't dream of it. I need someone to carry this home for me. I'll just wait for you outside.''

''Okay.'' Dean leaned over the counter to place a kiss on her forehead. ''I won't be long,'' he whispered, taking his time to pull back, waiting for her to close the door behind her before taking off his apron and heading for the back.

Rory left the store with her eyes cast down, not seeing what she was walking into until it was too late. She clutched the paper bag a little tighter as her eyes came across the figure before her. ''You shouldn't smoke,'' she remarked, remaining indifferent as she closed in on him. It was against her better judgement, but she tried not to care; he didn't seem to.

His eyes were cool as he took her in, lingering only on her face as he pretended not to care, though he did, more than she knew. He let his cigarette slip from between his fingers, outing it with the heel of his shoe without saying a word. He slipped his hands into his back-pockets while keeping his gaze leveled with hers.

''What are you doing here?'' Rory finally asked; she didn't appreciate the silences like he did. She shifted her bag to her other arm, balancing it on her hip, even though she didn't need to.

Jess shrugged, making her believe that he wasn't going to offer her an answer for the slightest of seconds. ''Leah insisted on stopping here to get something to eat before we headed over to the diner.''

Rory looked over at _Doose's._ She hadn't seen Leah while she was in there.

''We're going to watch some movies,'' Jess explained, causing for Rory to hold back a smile as she looked at him again. ''Movies?''

''Yeah, you have a problem with that?''

''No,'' she said while shaking her head, biting her lip before continuing, ''You just don't seem like the movie type, that's all.''

''It's not like we're actually going to watch them,'' he said, knowing that he had made a mistake by the way she turned her head away from him.

She awkwardly shifted the paper bag back to her other arm, glad when she spotted the door of _Doose's _open. Dean came out, smiling at her as he approached, though she didn't see him; all she saw was Leah who was carrying a paper bag of her own. ''Thanks,'' she managed when Dean took the bag from her, her eyes still on the other girl.

Leah walked up to Jess, her cheeks turning crimson when he leaned in to kiss her, though it didn't affect Rory as much as Jess taking the bag from her and reaching for her hand. Leah seemed to radiate as she finally glanced over at where Rory was still standing. ''Oh, hey, Rory, I didn't see you there.''

''Hey, Leah.''

''Is that your boyfriend?'' she went on.

Rory nodded. ''Yeah, Dean meet Leah.''

''Jess's girlfriend,'' Leah finished, eyes gleaming while wrapping one arm around Jess's waist and pulling him closer.

''Hey,'' Dean greeted.

Rory avoided Jess's gaze; it stung to know that he didn't care. ''We should be going; my mom's waiting for us.''

''Yeah, we should be going, too,'' Jess said, trying to keep their relationship standing the best he could.

Leah shot Rory a smile. ''Okay, it was nice meeting you, Dean. See you around, Rory.''

Rory uttered a simple 'bye' before turning around. Dean followed, loosely wrapping an arm around her waist, mimicking Leah's earlier gesture. ''I don't like her,'' she said. Dean just softly chuckled and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

She was jealous.

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**REVIEW! Please? :-)** So...the diary entry was a bit on the long side, but I never know in advance how long they will end up being so I hope it didn't bother you that much. Also, the characters might not be in character all the time because I just write them the way I want them to be, if that makes even a little sense... :-) And finally, my writing...especially in this chapter it wasn't that good, but I guess everyone expierences an off day ever now and then, though it tend to happen more often to certain people so...I really am trying to improve, but I think I'm failing so please tell me what you think about anything and everything; it is really appreciated. :-)


	7. Born Yesterday

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

**A/N:** Hey :) It's been a little while since I've updated this story, but I needed the time so I hope you understand. I worked long enough on this chapter and I'm happy with it, pretty happy anyway since the writing could have been or the wording actually so apologies for that. Please read the A/N at the bottom before you review, kay? Thanks :)

* * *

Born Yesterday

x-x-x

It somewhat hurts to admit that they look good together, although it hurts more to admit that there seems to be an even more important connection between them, one that is painfully clear to me, no matter how hard I try not to see it. It's one that is inevitable because of how right they are for each other. They could be one and other's soulmate while Jess and I have been twisting and turning around each other for as long as I can remember, trying to figure out where exactly the line has been drawn.

I guess he got enough of waiting, although his patience was never the best thing to him.

It's not that I'm not used to seeing him with someone; I still remember a couple of names and even a few faces if I try hard enough, though none of those girls stuck around long enough to get passed the physical attraction stage of the relationship.

Of course, none of them were like her.

Like Leah.

Her name alone makes her sound different in a way, special even, though that is probably what she is, considering that she has managed to keep Jess's interest for so long. His eyes never once wander and his interest hardly ever strays when she is in the same room, except when I'm there. It shows me that he still remembers that before Leah, I used to be the one to keep him in line.

Me instead of her.

I'm scared that one day, he won't need me anymore and that he'll forget to think of me as anything but his friend. And maybe that is all I am to him, but I would rather have him tell me no face to face than let the if only's of jealousy drive me crazy.

My mind wanders often enough and it makes the position I am in even more unbearable, although my thoughts leave me guilty each time. The scenarios...

How do I tell my boyfriend that all I can think about is my best friend? How do I tell him that I have wondered about how I would look next to Jess and how do I tell Jess that I'm jealous of Leah and the edge he has given her, one I envy and she now gets to show off with glimmering eyes.

I want to see stars.

I want to get closer, something I haven't been bold enough to do just yet, though trying would probably be of no use; he would stop me. He's protective of me and tries so hard to keep me from making his mistakes because in the back of his mind, he knows that I have been around him long enough to change.

I think he's afraid of what may happen if he let me into his world completely, even though he has no reason to; I want to shake up his world just like I want him to shake up mine and I want him to know that, whether I have an edge or not, I can take it.

I'm not a little girl anymore.

x-x-x

Rory abruptly stopped writing as misplaced anger rattled up within her, the intensity of the sudden emotion leaving her motionless as realization settled itself heavily at the pit of her stomach. Behind her eyes an unwritten emotion simmered, her thoughts spinning out of control as she gradually worked herself into a frenzy.

While Dean treated her like a fragile flower, one that needed to be handled gently in order not to bruise the delicate petals, Jess treated her like glass, afraid that if he increased his pressure too much, she would break. They might differ in many ways, but they did see eye to eye on that level and she hated it because of how clear all of it now seemed. She now saw why Jess always kept her from getting too close and why Dean put restrictions on his actions when he was around her; they did see her as a little girl instead of the girl she managed to become over these past years. She would scream it off the rooftops if she thought that it would help because she wasn't little anymore and she had thought about going further than kissing and about what it would feel like to have someone trail their fingers across her skin.

In al fairness, her most intimate of thoughts often occurred at night so no one would see her blush, and although not all of them included Dean, she had figured that he would be her first in everything; he was always so sweet to her and knew how to win her over with words when it came down to it. Jess had too much experience and she wouldn't be able to keep up. Also, she had a feeling that Jess's eyes might end up being too harsh on her bare skin; they would leave their marks, though all this time, she thought that that was exactly what she wanted: to be claimed by him. Now, she wasn't so sure. She did know that she couldn't have it both ways, nor could she have it either way.

She was being reckless and was drawing conclusions when she hadn't even managed to make a choice yet. Frustrated, she ran her hands through her hair, knowing that no matter how much she would mess it up, she wouldn't be able to get rid of the nice girl image; she was one.

Rory glanced back down at her journal. Her stomach tied itself into knots while closing it, quickly slipping it underneath a pillow before getting up. Whatever turmoil that was going on within her, it had to be resolved tonight; otherwise her thoughts would keep getting the best of her and she didn't want that, she didn't want the if only's to be the reason behind her sleepless nights. She had to do something about her internal twisting and turning; she had to get a hold on the butterflies before they could get out of control and most importantly, she needed an idea of where she stood, an idea of where he might stand.

Without giving Dean a second thought, Rory headed for the door and disappeared out into the rain, forgetting her jacket in her haste.

x-x-x

The walk back to the diner happened in a complete silence, like Jess preferred it; he wasn't one to speak solely to fill up the momentary hollow time had left them with. He unlocked the door of the diner and held it open for Leah, still choosing to say not a word as she passed him and quietly started on her way up the stairs, leading the way as he soon enough followed.

They found the apartment empty, like Luke had promised Jess early this morning. For a split second, he wondered where his uncle could possibly be, though it didn't really matter; they had the apartment to themselves and that was all that mattered.

Jess paused in the doorframe and just stood there, looking at his current girlfriend as she kicked off her worn sneakers before settling herself onto the couch. He could almost picture himself sitting beside her with his arm lightly draped across her shoulders, his fingers caught up in her hair while she had her knees pulled up to her chest. The fact that he could, scared him; he wasn't used to having someone like her, someone that balanced him off just right by being so alike yet different at the same time.

He smiled as Leah looked up at him, her hazel eyes impatient as they met his. Her doe-eyes were what had made her worthy of a second glance during their first encounter, though he still had a preference for bedroom eyes; the glimmer of innocence in them heightened his excitement. Leah's doe eyes kept him in line though, and were perfect for her china doll face. The criss-cross strands of raven colored hair that always shaded her face accentuated the look and the red lipstick she sometimes dared to wear, completed it.

She was slowly opening up to him and although, his touches still tended to be too gentle every now and then, he wasn't afraid that she would break underneath them because combined with the right words, he knew that she would be able to take it.

He knew better than to judge a book by its cover, something he had learned from Rory.

His smile shortly faded as he tried to picture her sitting on the couch instead of Leah, not really surprised when he realized that it was easier than he had thought it would be.

''Jess,'' Leah started, gingerly drawing him from his thoughts, ''are you planning on moving any time soon or are you just going to stand there all night?''

The playful tone of her voice drove him crazy, though not enough. He shrugged and smirked coyly before replying, ''I'm not sure yet; the view looks pretty good from here.''

Her own smile was just as mischievous. ''I think it'll look even better from up close.''

The comment didn't surprise him; he was used to her becoming more bold with him, though she could close up completely with the push of a wrong button.

He threw the _Doose's _bag at her, knowing that she would easily be able to catch it as he started to shrug off his jacket, taking her in quietly as he draped it across the back of the couch. The sight looked so familiar to him, yet there seemed to be pieces missing near the edges, pieces he once remembered seeing so clearly.

The memories were there, though he often tried not to rattle them up and think of them; they were in the past, after all. And for a reason because he and Rory didn't have anymore what they used to have. Their friendship had frayed over time, worn and used from all it had been through. They had a tendency to take a step back out of caution while they should be moving forwards. The ride always confused him and sometimes left him lying awake restlessly.

He didn't know what he wanted because she didn't know what she wanted, though last night the answer had been within his reach. Upon their stroll down memory lane, it had become clear that they weren't just friends anymore, nor were they anything more. They were something in between, something he couldn't manage to put his finger on.

''What's on your mind?'' came Leah's sudden question, though he should have expected it; she asked a lot, especially when he looked trapped to her.

Jess shrugged, saying nothing as he walked over to the front of the couch and sat down next to her, reaching for a bag of candy just to busy himself, hoping that she wouldn't push any further. She didn't; instead, she went back to her own bag of candy.

After having let the silence stretch for a while, he got up to put on a movie, just to have some background noise; it made it easier for him to think. Leah once again kept quiet as he sat back down. The couch shifted underneath his weight so she slid a little closer to him, although he didn't reach out to touch her like he usually did.

''So, how long have you known Rory?'' Leah finally asked, no longer able to hold back.

''Pretty random, don't you think?'' he returned while shooting her a sideways glance.

Leah shook her head. ''Not really.'' She fidgeted with her bag of candy. ''You two seem to be friends or something like that,'' she carefully formulated. She felt him tense up beside her and she turned to look at him. ''You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I was just curious.'' She went back to her candy, seeming not to care.

Jess sighed. ''A while. Rory and I have known each other for a while now.''

''Thanks for clearing that up for me Mr. Vague,'' she said, her voice ringing with amusement.

''Take it or leave it,'' he said, his tone harsher than he had intended.

Leah noticed, though chose to ignore it. ''She seems nice enough.''

''She is.''

This time, it was Leah who tensed up, although he didn't notice; he was too caught up. ''I have seen her boyfriend.''

''Dean,'' Jess offered.

''Right, I have seen Dean around at school. I think we have one or two classes together, but I've never seen her around before. Is she just that shy or-''

''She doesn't go to Stars Hollow High, she goes to Chilton.''

Leah looked at him again. ''Isn't that one of those schools rich snobs attend?''

''Rory's grandparents are the ones with money,'' he explained. ''They wanted the best for her.''

''Guess so,'' Leah remarked, covering her bitterness up nicely with a smile. ''So, is the talking part of this night over now?''

Jess nodded, smirking as he circled her waist with an arm. She cuddled up against him, happy about the fact that she was the one to have him.

x-x-x

Somewhere during their second movie, a knock on the door forced Jess to get up from his comfortable position and Leah reluctantly let go of him. Jess took his time while heading to the door, knowing that it worried Luke when he did so; he knew that Luke knocked out of precaution, not wanting to find his nephew and his girlfriend in any state of undress.

The smirk on his face faded as he found Rory on his doorstep. His thought were just on her. Maybe they knew each other better than they thought they did.

''What are you doing here?'' he asked roughly, though his eyes softened instantly as he noticed the state she was in. She was soaked through and through, leaving hardly anything to the imagination as her clothes clung at her figure. He tried to remain indifferent, a task that proved to be more difficult than he had expected, even though she was covering herself as best as she could with both arms.

He hadn't even heard the rain.

''I'm not sure.'' She searched his eyes, looking for an answer to his question, wondering if he did have one.

Jess said nothing as he walked back over to the couch, grabbing his jacket while whispering something to Leah who struggled to give him half a smile; she didn't want him to go. Her eyes found Rory as she awkwardly stood in the doorframe, waiting. When Jess blocked her from Leah's sight, she thought about saying something, but didn't; instead, she once again reached for her bag of candy.

She knew that Jess had more than one side to him and she thought that she had been on her way of discovering them all, although she wasn't sure anymore; Rory always seemed to be a step ahead of her and she didn't like it.

Leah said nothing as she heard the door close behind her.

x-x-x

Jess tightened his hold on Rory's hand as he led her down the stairs, aware of how cold it was. Outside, he offered her his jacket which she took without arguing. Once she had it on, her hands disappeared into the pockets, her fingers digging around aimlessly for something that wasn't there. She was trying to kill some of the time she had to spend with him, even though she knew that she couldn't escape him. He kept a too careful of an eye on her.

Finally, she looked him in the eye, close to shaking underneath his gaze. ''I feel like I should tell you something.''

Jess watched the words slip from her lips in slow motion, wanting to catch them one by one, although he chose to let them slip through his fingers like the rain, choosing to let the moment pass just like they had let a few years of their friendship pass without doing anything but watch. Rory noticed, but didn't show her disappointment; it wasn't the right time.

''I'll walk you home.''

She accepted and they walked the short route to her house, not letting a word pass between them, afraid of what they might end up saying to one and other. The night had always had the tendency to expect too much.

Rory stopped upon reaching the edge of the driveway. She quickly glanced over at the house before turning to face him, wanting to prolong the few minutes they still had. She studied him in silence, awed by his weathered appearance. The walk in the rain had left him dripping wet from head to toe and he was beautiful, like he always had been, though tonight, she had allowed herself to keep her eyes open to the temptation instead of looking the other way and it was so hard to resist.

He was so hard to resist.

She started to move towards him and didn't stop until she was face to face with him. Close enough to touch she now stood. Close enough for him to see the many tiny droplets that covered not only her face, but also dripped down the edge of her nose and hung from her lips. She looked like a dream, one he wanted to last for as long as it could so he did what she had been thinking about and gave in.

Jess was the first to lean in, though she was the one to bridge the final distance between them and graze her lips against his. Unsure of what was expected of her next, Rory's hands found themselves being pulled out of the pockets as they went directly for his shirt. Her fingers settled within the fabric and she did what she had been wanting to do for so long, she pulled him closer and let the kiss just happen, just like it did in fairytales, though this was better; he tasted like the pouring rain and it drove her crazy.

''Rory,'' he breathed. Her eyes closed as he raked his teeth across her bottom lip, sending a shiver down her spine. The intensity was making her head spin and she gripped his shirt tighter to keep from falling even deeper. She knew that she had to stop; she didn't want Dean to catch her like this although it was so hard to let go now that she finally had him.

In a state that was close to panicking, she opened her eyes. The kiss neared its end abruptly as he came across her eyes with his own. Realization had hit her and he could do nothing but respect her wishes as he pulled back.

Both out of breath, they did nothing but stare at each other for a while.

She had bedroom eyes, though he wouldn't get to tell her that tonight because sooner than he had wanted, Rory disappeared inside the house, not giving him so much as a second glance.

It was only when she was already inside that she realized that she was still wearing his jacket. Hearing Dean's footsteps approach, she tugged it off quickly and hid it beneath the other jackets on the coat rack.

She managed to escape that night with a lie and a guilty conscience.

x-x-x

By the time Jess re-entered the apartment, Leah was fast asleep on the couch. He closed the door without making a sound and snuck over to the couch. It would be better if he didn't wake her and if he didn't lie to her for one day. He carefully tugged the bag of candy from between her fingers and sat down in a chair across from her, sighing, knowing that tomorrow would come too soon.

* * *

**Review please:)** Once again, thanks for your patience and reviews of course. It's nice to know that there is still interest for this story and although the updates aren't as frequent as I would prefer them, I do enjoy writing and working on this story, although I did think this chapter was a bit too dramatic. On the other hand, it may just work for it at the same time so let me know and feed my curiosity. :) Also, the plot is somewhat of a slow one, but I need it to be that way because I really want to focus on the characters and try to work out their thoughts as in character as possible, if that makes sense? So please just keep your patience and see where the story might lead you. Okay, done rambling now. Thanks for sparing a few minutes. :) 


	8. Dodger

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

**A/N:** I know I haven't updated this story in a little while, although I don't think I took as long as the time before :) Anyway, this is where things start to move a little faster and get a little more 'serious.' So, I'll leave you to it 'cause there's really not more to say about this chapter. :)

* * *

Dodger

x-x-x

Like a chameleon, he has more than one color to him; he keeps on changing right before my eyes, leaving me in a daze I tumble into each time I look at him. Everything about him stands out and it's a curse to both him and I.

If only I could have seen it coming, if only I could have seen him coming, then maybe I could have stopped the impact he has had on my life because at this point, I can't seem to undo what he has done to me. It's not something anyone can see on the outside, but it's more of a feeling, a skip of the heart, the hitch of a breath, the hesitant tremble of a word.

It's just something that happened and that couldn't be controlled from the very beginning. It's something that no one ever saw coming.

I didn't see coming.

It all just happened and I didn't do anything to stop it, not a thing. I let him into my life with my eyes wide open, not fully knowing what I was getting myself into, but the understanding growing with each half smile and each stolen glance.

I see him and he sees me, though in a way that leaves his intentions unclear. He's a mystery, seeming so distant most of the time, though last night he has been the closest he has ever been. For once, he wasn't just within my reach, but actually close enough to touch.

x-x-x

Rory uncurled her fingers from around her pen, letting it drop into the crease of the two pages, one fully written and the other blank, while reaching over for her coffee with her other hand. Her gaze leisurely made its way through the usual mediocre crowd of early birds before settling for the boy that had effortlessly stolen her heart, a piece at a time; he knew how to work all of the angles, something that left him with consequences that he neglected most of the times, although last night he had stood face to face with one of them. He had the chance to taste it and to see what it felt like to deal with for once. It wasn't anything like he had expected; it had tasted even sweeter and had _left him with a craving for more._

She was also on the look-out for more; he was addictive, too good for his own good, and impossible to resist, even though she had never put up that big of a fight to begin with. She did feel guilty, but still far from as guilty as she should be. It didn't eat at her from the inside and it didn't feel as if she was doing the wrong thing because the feeling he gave her felt too good to be anything but that. Unlike the feeling she got when she was with Dean, it lasted and _left her with a craving for more._

He had quickly become an obsession, something to focus her attention on during as well her waking as sleeping hours. He was a distraction, something that was on her mind even when it shouldn't be; she had a boyfriend and from her mindless behavior it seemed as if she no longer cared. Her eye had fallen on something more priceless: a rebellious dodger with a twisted soul and a good heart. He had yet to show her all of his shades and she had still one or two colors to reveal to him.

She glanced over at her backpack. If only he knew that she was carrying a part of him with her. She sipped her coffee while awaiting her chance to go by unnoticed, one she got when Luke had his back turned and Jess was ringing up a customer. She got up and slipped through the curtains and up the stairs, taking her backpack with her.

Once up in the apartment, she sat her backpack down on the table and hastily unzipped it so she could quickly pull out the item she had been hiding from everyone's sight. She took it and looked around the apartment for a place to put it. She decided on the couch, thinking that he couldn't miss it that way, and carefully hung it over the back. When she turned back around, she was no longer alone. ''Jess.''

''What are you doing up here?'' he asked.

''I came to return your jacket,'' Rory answered, trying to seem unmoved by his presence as she returned to the table, although her trembling hands gave her away as she zipped her backpack back up. She was nervous. She knew that he was looking at her, though it was something that she could handle; she had been a part of the game long enough to know what to expect and how to react. He on the other hand no longer did. She had broken the rules and had not only looked, but had also touched and it had thrown him off. ''We need to talk about what happened,'' he conveyed, now being the one to throw her off with his a matter-of-fact manner.

Rory removed her hands from her backpack, letting one linger by her side while the other brushed her hair away from her face, finally revealing her eyes to him and giving him another chance to admire them from close by. ''Look, what I did last night was wrong and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you and I didn't mean to-''

''It's okay,'' he said, watching her lower her hands down to her skirt. He had seen her in her uniform many times before, but it was just now that he noticed how young she looked in the baby blue blouse and the schoolgirl skirt. It made her look even more wrong for him and it drove him crazy.

''Jess, how can you say that?'' she went on, oblivious to where his attention had gone. ''I have a boyfriend and you...you have Leah.''

Jess carelessly shrugged. ''They don't know about what happened between us so there's no damage done.''

''That doesn't make it any less wrong. I kissed you,'' Rory repeated while looking up at him.

''Why did you?''

''I...'' She sighed. ''It was a mistake and I'm sorry.''

''We established that, but there must be a reason,'' he pushed while starting on his way over to her.

''Why?''

''Because it was a too impulsive thing for you to do.''

''So, I can be impulsive,'' was her childlike response. It made him smile when he came to a halt right in front of her, still calmly holding her gaze while she was abundle of nerves. ''Prove it,'' he dared her.

''What? No, I don't have anything to prove to you, especially not-'' He silenced her by reaching for a lock of her hair and wrapping it around one finger. She quickly took a step back, unwrapping the strand from his finger as she did so. He just took another step towards her and reached for her hair again, this time running his entire hand through her sleek locks. She backed away from him even more, though with each step she took back, he took a step towards her until her back finally hit the wall, giving her no more room to run. His other hand quickly followed down the same path as it got tangled up in her hair, allowing him easy access to her as he started to lean in. His eyes remained on hers, even when his lips grazed hers. When she didn't object, he pressed into her a little more, the abrupt sensation making her mouth open just enough for him to take advantage of.

He untangled his hands from her hair and brought them down to her hips where they stayed. His fingers had a firm grip on them as he pulled her up against him, bringing them hip to hip. As she submissively gasped into his mouth, she unintentionally drew her nails across his chest, the pressure light, although he still flinched beneath her soft touch. Feeling his reaction, she tried to be even closer to him and desperately clutched at his shirt, slowly balling up the fabric just below his heart.

Jess took his lips from Rory's and listened to her gasp for air as he trailed them down the side of her face, ending up at the piece of skin just above her collarbone. She squirmed beneath him and breathed in sharply as his teeth carefully came in touch with her skin. She moaned and he held back a groan as she pressed her hips even tighter against his, an action that was accidental and unexpected and drove him even more out of his mind.

He made his way back up to her already swollen lips, sweetly placing a kiss at each corner before kissing her again. By now she had her eyes closed while he kept his open, not wanting to miss a thing that happened to her. They were dangerously close to losing it completely, although in the end, they didn't get the chance to.

''Jess!'' Luke's voice came from downstairs. ''Leah's here!''

At the sound of her name, Rory opened her eyes and the lightest blue he had ever seen met with the darkest of chocolate she had ever seen. It was easy to see that they were infatuated.

Jess saw the affliction in her eyes and the effort it took for her to remove her hands from his shirt. He lovingly ran his thumb across her lower lip before letting go of her, too.

''I have to go,'' were the only words she spoke to him as she averted her eyes and pushed passed him. She got her backpack and left the apartment.

Jess reached for his jacket and followed.

Downstairs they were met with a puzzled Luke. ''I didn't see you go up,'' he directed towards Rory.

''I needed to talk to Jess about a book I had to read for my Lit class,'' she explained, aware of the intense way Leah was looking at her.

''Oh, right, of course,'' Luke responded. ''Do you want some more coffee?''

Rory shook her head, feeling self-conscious as she licked her lips. ''I have a bus to catch, but I'll probably be back after school.''

''Okay, be good, kid.''

''I will,'' she said and left.

Jess watched her head off in the direction of the bus stop before looking over at Leah. ''She needed to talk to you about a book?'' she asked with her arms crossed.

He nodded.

''And it couldn't wait until later?''

Jess sighed. ''She's really serious about school, you know that.''

''So all you two did was talk about books?'' Leah asked, wanting a confirmation.

''Lee, Rory and I are just friends, okay?''

Leah nodded, knowing better than to push Jess even further. ''Okay.''

x-x-x

That afternoon Rory met up with Dean at the diner, something that they always did on his rare afternoons off; he knew how hectic her days could be and she knew how important it was for him to still spend time with her despite of that. It was something she appreciated him for, how he could sit so quietly across from her, never once making her uncomfortable by staring; instead, he just glanced at her every now and then. It was something she used to love about him: how he could be so easily satisfied and content with nothing at all. She used to think that she was the same way, happy with the faintest of smiles and the softest of touches, although she wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe she had been so easily satisfied because it was what she was used to, what Dean was used to.

She looked over at Dean and couldn't help but smile at his unruly hair. It was the exact same color as his eyes, a dark shade of brown, though not dark enough to entice her. She wondered if she had taken Dean for granted all of this time and if she had been selfish to think that he would be satisfied just as easily. He was too nice to talk to her about it and too patient to push her into anything, but they had been together for a while now so taking the next step should come easy to them, although they had been stuck in the middle for a long time. They had settled for what they could get and it wasn't right; no one should settle.

Rory shifted her gaze over to the counter where Leah sat doing her homework. It was something she used to do all the time, although lately she had settled for one of the tables in the diner, knowing that she would only be the third wheel if she did sit at the counter. She looked on as Jess said something to Leah, distracting her from her homework. It was a routine Rory had been a witness of a few times before. Leah would try to act annoyed, although the small smile on her face would give her away every time. She watched Jess lean over the counter and tuck a piece of Leah's hair behind her ear before looking away. It hurt to see him like that with another girl, one he actually seemed to care for and had fallen for him completely.

She looked back over at the boy sitting across from her. ''Dean,'' she said, getting his attention.

''Yeah?''

''Would you mind if we cut this short?''

''Oh, no, of course not,'' he said while shaking his head, although she heard the disappointment in his voice.

''It's just that I have a lot of studying to do and I have this terrible headache. Plus my mood's bad and-''

Dean held both of his hands up, signaling for her to stop. ''I get it.''

Rory smiled.

''How about a compromise? We cut this short so you can go home and study if you come by my place tonight for pizza and a movie?''

''Deal,'' she agreed.

''Let me just go pay and I'll walk you home.''

Rory nodded and turned her head towards the window. She had a lot to think about.

x-x-x

That evening, when she walking home from Dean's, she got out her cell phone and dialed her best friend's number. Lane herself answered.

''Lane, I need to talk to you.''

''Well, I'm all ears so-''

''In person,'' Rory told her. ''I think I'm desperate need of one of those heart-to-hearts.''

''You can come by tomorrow. We'll have the house to ourselves so I can even get out the good cookies.''

Rory smiled. ''Thanks.''

''Any time. I'll see you tomorrow.''

''Yeah, bye.''

She slipped her cell phone back into her pocket while passing Luke's. She kept her eyes on the ground beneath her, refusing to let herself get wrapped up in the many what if's that were floating through her mind. She was unaware of the figure that stood nearby, watching her and waiting for her to take notice of him, although she never did. She just kept on walking, forcing him to take the initiative before she had passed him by completely. He stepped from the shadow just enough for him to reach for her wrist and pull her back in with him, an easy task since he had caught her by surprise. She gasped as he backed her up against a wall for the second time today. One hand came to a rest on her hip while the other searched for her face in the darkness.

''Jess, what are you doing?'' she breathed as he softly gripped her chin.

''I'm taking out the trash,'' he whispered while tilting her head upwards. He looked her in the eyes before dipping his head and coming in contact with her lips. Her hands found his shirt once again, though this time she pushed him away instead of pulling him even closer. ''Jess, no.''

He pulled back. ''What's wrong?''

''I have to get home.''

He didn't move.

''We can't do this,'' Rory continued. ''I don't want to do this.''

''You weren't fighting me on it back at the apartment,'' Jess stated.

''It wont happen again,'' she told him softly.

''Why?'' he asked, not understanding her sudden change of heart. ''Rory, I like you.''

''Like me,'' she began with disbelief, ''Jess, you have a girlfriend and you can't just go behind her back and-''

''Isn't that what you're doing?'' he returned.

''Not anymore.''

Jess took a step back. ''Fine, go home.''

''It's not fair to Dean or Leah,'' Rory tried.

''You're right,'' he agreed. ''I don't know what I was thinking.'' He looked away from her. ''I just wanted to see how far you would go anyway, but you're right, I have Leah to think off. It won't happen again,'' he finished.

Her eyes glazed over at his words, something he saw when he glanced back over at her, unable to resist. He wanted to to take it all back, but knew that he was too stubborn to.

''You're a jerk,'' she said before leaving him behind as she quickly made her way out of the alley and away from him.

* * *

**Review please? (:** Personally, I really like this chapter and am pretty happy with how it turned out. I feel like I finally have the characters how and where I want them. I hope I did okay on this chapter 'cause I have trouble writing kissing scenes and tension and stuff like that so... Uhm, thanks for the reviews on the last chapter and I hope people are still reading this, even though I'll finish this story with or without readers. Thanks :) 


	9. Love, Hate

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination.

**A/N:** I haven't really been good at updating frequently when it comes to any of my stories, but that's because I have too much time to do whatever I want now, no matter how much I love writing. I tend to pen down a lot at night so I will have the actual days to do other things like, of course once in the process I forget about the fact that I actually have to typ everything up into a decent enough chapter for y'all to read, something I'm not sure I pulled off when it comes to this chapter.

* * *

Love, Hate

x-x-x

I hate him.

I hate him for kissing me and I hate him for holding back during all of the times that he could have kissed me. And I hate him for letting me think that I meant more to him than her, although I always thought that he looked right through me when really he was looking right at me.

He gives me the same fluttering feeling in my stomach that I used to get whenever I was on a swing and swung up higher than I should simply because I was still young enough to believe that if I swung high enough, I would be able to touch the sky, even though I couldn't.

Just like the sky, he has been unreachable to me and untouchable, even though I've known him for years. I never seem to get through to him completely, no matter how well I think I know him. He will always have his secrets and a past that will never even come close to mine; he has had a hard life, much harder than mine will probably ever be.

Ever since we were kids I would like to think that I was the white in his black, the only one he couldn't do without, but I was wrong because I'm not_ the only one and he _can_ do without me. _

He can do just fine without me.

Sometimes I even feel like I'm holding him back by asking him questions he has already found the answers to and that he would be better off without me.

Leah's supposed to be the one that is special enough to keep him in line, even though he has already crossed it by leading me on or maybe I broke the boundaries by leading him on... In the end it doesn't matter because it's just a game, something he admitted to with words that cut deep, whether he was just saying it or truly meant it. I hope that it was all in the game because he is the kind of person that would do and say anything to win.

I don't know what to do anymore, but whatever I decide to do, I want it to be right; I've got to learn that I can want anything, but that I can't have everything.

x-x-x

Rory closed her journal just as a bell rung somewhere in the building across from her. From experience, she knew that she would only have two or three more minutes to waste before the first students would come hurrying down the steps, their faces relieved and their backpacks empty.

After a handful of minutes the rest of the majority would follow in their footsteps, smiles present as they talked to their friends about the night's plans while thinking of an excuse or a reason why they couldn't make it to Saturday's bash, not wanting to admit that they were looking forward to a morning of sleeping in, an afternoon of doing homework, and an evening of watching TV.

Meanwhile the die-hards were still at their lockers, struggling to get all of their books into their book bags while figuring that they would have both Saturday and Sunday off if they finished all of their schoolwork tonight.

Rory was one of the people that took school seriously while Jess only showed up not to take it seriously. He had other thoughts when it came to all nighters and Ivy League School; they were out of his reach, even though he could get the grades if only he wasn't so damn stubborn and persistent in doing the exact opposite of what people expected from him. She knew that he had it in him and she had told him over and over, but he always just let it go into one ear and out the other.

As always, Jess was one of the first to exit the building, his backpack missing and his hands in search of a lighter and cigarette before he had even completed all of the steps. He was addicted and the school's no smoking policy made both his fingers and nerves twitch, though when he caught a glimpse of Rory from his eye's corner, he was really killing for a smoke.

He positioned himself against a lonesome tree, hidden within the shade and from everyone's view so he could smoke in peace. His eyes were on her during his first drag and would still be during the last of his third or fourth cigarette. While he didn't approach Rory, Dean did walk up to her, his backpack slung casually over his shoulder and a book in his other hand, just for show.

''Hey,'' he said before placing a kiss on his girlfriend's cheek.

Rory nodded in return as her eyes darted back over to Stars Hollow High.

''What are you doing here?'' he asked while dumping his things on the hood of the car he had made for her.

''I'm picking up Lane, well, actually I was supposed to meet her at her house, but my bus was early so I decided to surprise her, and you,'' she added as a quick afterthought.

Dean sought out her hand. ''Why is it that you still insist on taking the bus when you have a perfectly running car?'' He tugged her closer until their sides lightly touched.

''You're feeling a bit cocky today, aren't you?''

''Well, hasn't your car been running like a dream ever since you've had it?''

''It has.'' She abruptly paused when she came eye to eye with Jess, the hint of black hair beneath the leaves and his worn leather jacket, now in a heap at his feet, making him hard to miss. ''Although when something is running in my dreams it's usually not a car,'' she coyly went on, her motivation standing across from her, having his way with her while Dean got to find pleasure in the benefits.

''Did you just say what I think you just said?''

Rory bit her lip while timidly glancing up at Dean, her eyes big and innocent. ''Why do you ask? Did I say something wrong?'' she played naively.

Dean cleared his throat. ''No, it's just that-''

''It's just what?'' she asked, letting go of his hand so she could turn around to face him. ''It's just what, Dean?''

''The, ah, the double meaning behind it, I, you, I can't-''

She silenced him with a kiss, slightly affected by the jumping of his nerves. He pulled back, removing his lips only an inch or two from hers. ''Rory-''

She leaning into him and cut him off with another kiss, carefully roaming his mouth with her tongue to keep him quiet. She was putting on a show for all to see, though her focus was on one particular set of eyes, eyes that darkened at the sight before them; Jess now saw her as she had seen him many times before and the realization of how it must have felt to be in her shoes slowly dawned on him.

His hold on his cigarette tightened as he watched her place her small unexperienced hands on Dean's knees and run them up his thighs slowly so he would spread his legs just enough for her to fit in between. She was all over him and all Jess wanted to do was stop her and tell her that she wasn't ready to experience and experiment with Dean. He wanted to tell her that Dean wasn't the right guy, even though he really was.

He looked on as Dean's hands disappeared beneath her shirt and were placed flat against the hollow of her bare back, revealing a strip of her skin. His fingers turned just as pale as he nearly crushed the cigarette between them. Dean was getting into it more and more, touching her where not even his fingers had strayed yet while she seemed to make the best of the situation. She looked beautiful, though not like Jess wanted her; he wanted her clean and untouched. He was drawn to her innocence and wanted to be the one to undo her step by step.

Bye the time Lane became a witness to the scene, he was already gone, the burnt cigarettes beneath the tree the only evidence.

Lane didn't know what to make of any of it and stood at their side at a safe distance before making herself known to them. ''Uh, guys.''

Rory's open eyes shot over to her best friend and she pulled back only to hide her flushed cheeks and swollen lips against Dean's chest, wondering what exactly she had been thinking while he held on to her a little longer. '

''Hey Lane,'' he said with a small smile that erupted into a soft chuckle as a groan escaped Rory's throat.

''So, I guess you two had fun while waiting for me, that is if I can assume that you are, excuse me, were actually waiting for me,'' Lane directed towards Rory while crossing her arms and cocking an eyebrow.

''Lane,'' was her mumbled response.

''Hey, you can't blame me for misinterpreting this whole scene because, well, you would understand if you had been the one to walk in on it, trust me.''

''Well, if you'd just get a boyfriend then that might still happen,'' Rory returned while pulling away from Dean slightly and turning her head to look at her friend.

''You know that's an unfair thing to say because Stars Hollow only has a handful of guys walking around in the first place where you've managed to snatch the only good one out of the bunch and then there's the small detail that none of them are Korean which means that none of them will ever even have the luck of marrying me unless I actually want to be disowned. And hey, that was below the belt, a place you two seem to be approaching rather quickly,'' Lane pointed out all in one breath.

Rory's blush deepened while Dean bashfully lowered his head and loosened his hold on her.

Lane couldn't help but smile at their shyness; they did seem like a match made in heaven. ''You two are so in love.''

''Yeah...'' Rory trailed off, not knowing what else to say because there was nothing she could say, not at the moment.

Dean ran a hand through his hair, no longer comfortable, something Rory caught on to quickly as she moved from between his legs. ''I should get going,'' he said while standing up straight.

''I hope I didn't embarrass you?''

''No, my shift starts in a couple of minutes. That's the only reason why I'm leaving,'' he added while throwing a look at the raven haired girl to his side.

Lane smiled. ''Whatever you say, Romeo.''

''Don't you two have a date or something?''

''Yeah, although I doubt that I'll have the same effect on her,'' Lane teased, earning herself a gentle shove from her best friend and an intense look from Dean.

''I'll see you at school tomorrow, Lane.''

''Unfortunately.''

Dean ignored her remark as he leaned in to modestly place a kiss on Rory's cheek. ''Bye,'' he whispered before grabbing his things and walking off, leaving the two girls alone.

'''So, since when are you and Dean getting so hot and heavy?'' Lane asked while leaning back against the hood of the car, her arms still crossed as she glanced over at her friend.

''It's a recent development,'' Rory answered.

''Really, well, is that the thing you needed to talk to me about because to be fair, I don't think I'm going to be that comfortable with discussing this new stage in your relationship with Dean, best friend or not; I draw the line at where he puts his hands and where you put yours.''

Rory's expression didn't change as she remembered how for the first time, Dean's hands had came in such close contact with her skin and how she hadn't felt anything shiver down her spine when he had started to rub circles on it with his thumbs. He hadn't affected her in any way when he should have left her breathless. She lowered her head in shame as she fished for her keys. ''We'll talk at your house,'' was all she said before unlocking the door and getting into the car.

x-x-x

''Okay, so what's going on?'' Lane finally got the chance to ask once they were up in her room; she had been respectfully silent during the ride to her house, though she couldn't contain her curiosity anymore. It had been killing her.

Rory sighed as she leaned back against the door. ''It's complicated.''

''No, it's not,'' Lane said while sitting down on her bed. ''You're just saying that to stall so you'll have more time to think about whether or not you should change your mind about telling me whatever it is that you wanted to talk to me about.''

Rory sunk her teeth into her bottom lip while slowly nodding. ''You're right, it's not complicated, it's just hard.''

''The subject where supposedly going to talk about or-''

''I kissed Jess,'' Rory abruptly confessed.

''You kissed Jess?'' Lane's eyes widened in shock.

Rory nodded. ''I didn't plan it or anything and I didn't mean to, but after he walked me home we were just standing there looking at each other in the rain and he just looked so-''

''Kissable,'' Lane finished.

''I just couldn't help it.'' Rory crossed the room to join her friend on the bed. ''I don't even know why I did it.''

''Yes, you do.''

''Are you saying that I like him?''

''I think you just did,'' Lane said.

''But Lane, I can't like him, he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend.''

''Maybe you guys should try swapping partners,'' Lane jokingly offered.

''This is not something to joke about. I kissed Jess!''

''Hey, don't panic, there's no reason to; I mean, Leah and Dean both know nothing about this, right, and you two have only kissed once-''

''Actually,'' Rory tentatively began, ''there were two other encounters.''

''You're kidding, right? You could have brushed it all of as a stupid mistake, something that happened only once, but making the same mistake three times... What were you thinking?''

''I wasn't, Lane, that's the whole problem; when I'm near him I don't think.''

''When did that happen 'cause the last time I checked you two were friends, just friends, without benefits of any kind.''

Rory shrugged. ''I don't know, it just happened.''

''Are you sure that the way you're feeling has nothing to do with Leah?'' Lane asked with a serious look on her face.

''What do you mean?''

Lane sighed. ''Well, you've been the only girl in Jess's life for a while and now that he has Leah, he's been spending more and more time with her.''

''What are you trying to say, Lane?'' Rory snapped at her friend lightly, something she hadn't meant to do, but Leah wasn't her favorite person and therefore a touchy subject.

''I'm just saying that you might be feeling this way because you have this idea that Jess doesn't need you as much as he did before-''

''He never needed me,'' she interrupted. ''He doesn't need anyone, including her.''

Lane frowned. ''I'm not sure whether you're standing up for him or if you're taking a shot at Leah.''

''I don't like her.''

''Because she's Jess's girlfriend.''

Rory nodded while casting her eyes down. ''It's just that I used to have him all to myself and I took that for granted because he was just always there whenever I wanted him to be, but now it's not that simple anymore because I do have to share him with Leah and I guess I miss him and want him all for myself again, no matter how selfish that sounds.'' She looked back up at the girl across from her. ''I like him, Lane, and he likes me. I heard him say it last night.''

''That still doesn't make what you two are doing any less wrong,'' Lane told her softly.

''I know and I told him that we couldn't go behind Dean and Leah's backs anymore and that it was wrong...''

''And?''

''And he agreed,'' Rory started while looking down at her hands, ''right before making a crude remark.''

''That's Mariano for you,'' Lane uttered dryly.

''Does he look in love to you?''

Lane saw the desperate glimmer of hope in Rory's eyes as their eyes met once more. ''Ror,'' she began softly, ''I don't know what goes through his mind when he sees you or Leah, but he does seem to genuinely care for her, but we both know that he also cares a lot about you, no matter what he says.''

''I just don't know what to do,'' Rory exclaimed while falling back onto the bed.

''Yeah, who'd ever thought that you'd be this wanted.''

''Hey!'' Rory poked at Lane's side with her finger.

Lane laughed and laid down, too. ''You know what I think you should do,'' she said once they were side to side. ''Talk to him.''

Rory's bottom lip protruded into a slight pout. ''Do I have to because my plan was to avoid him for a couple of days so he'll know that I just want to forget it ever happened and that way we can both move on with our relationships.''

''Yeah because your current relationships are going real steady so far.''

''And it's all my fault.''

Lane glanced at her friend. ''Did Jess ever try to stop you?''

Rory shook her head. ''No, but I did stop him the last time.''

''Well, look at you, resisting temptation and all.''

''Lane.''

''Sorry, but there was an opportunity,'' Lane started apologetically, ''but the point is that it's just as much Jess's fault as it is yours.''

''But I started it by-''

''And you're going to put an end to it,'' Lane cut her off quickly.

''By talking to him?''

''By talking to him,'' Lane repeated.

x-x-x

That evening, Rory visited the bridge, finding Jess sitting out in the open beneath the dim glimmer of moonlight in a place that lay secluded from the rest of town. It was their secret garden, a sanctuary, and a place they both kept close to their hearts, despite the old creaking boards and the slivers of wood they were risking whenever they would lay their hands down on the rough surface. The many memories made it a hard place to be at, but also a hard place to leave. It used to be a place where they could be alone together, although nowadays they seemed to take turns, just missing each other time after time and letting one and other be, something she thought about doing as she stood hesitating at the other end of the bridge. He looked like a stranger from where she had her feet planted, someone she no longer knew, although she desperately wanted to.

As she took her first step onto the bridge, the wood shifted beneath her. He felt it and turned to look at her, something he normally wouldn't have done, but he hadn't seen her all day and he had missed her, despite the words that had been exchanged; he would rather have her around just to look at instead of not having her around at all.

As she got closer and closer, his urge for a cigarette grew, though he held back, not wanting to add another dent to his picture when hers looked so damn perfect. She looked so damn perfect and too good for his taste, even though he wanted nothing else now that he had one. She had been like a drug ever since he had first come to know her, one he had vowed never to touch because of the addictive consequences. Looking at her was enough to trigger his nerves and even now, when she was fully covered up in a pair of faded jeans and a sky blue hoodie, she had him making up scenarios in his head. Her skin would be pale and soft beneath his and she would squirm in innocence and inexperience while he would mutter compliments close to her ear and take his time in unwinding her like the fragile china doll she was.

He held back a smile, although she thought that she saw something in his eyes, but it was gone before she could completely catch and place it. Her icy blue orbs held his dark chocolate ones for a second longer, the contrast in color revealing their opposite sides and as her eyes averted themselves, his closed in. He followed her graceful movements as she sat down next to him, her long legs right next to his as she hung them over the edge.

''Let me guess, you came here to talk things out?'' he half asked, half stated with a quick glance in her direction.

''Don't I always.'' She pushed a lock of hair away from her face before dropping her hand next to the other in her lap. ''I just don't like going to bed feeling the way I do.''

''How do you feel?''

She looked up at his question, his eyes straying down to her reflection in the glistening water. ''I feel guilty,'' she began honestly, ''even though Dean and Leah don't know about what happened between us, but that doesn't make it any less wrong,'' she finished, repeating Lane's words.

Jess glanced up at her. ''Do you regret it?''

''No,'' Rory said after a couple of beats. ''But it shouldn't have happened and I feel really bad about it.''

''Well then, why don't you just blame it all on me and get it over with so we can both move on with our lives, like you want us to.'' He looked away, his voice and expression both bitter.

''It's just as much my fault as it is yours; I kissed _you_, Jess.''

''Yeah, I remember,'' he replied.

''I don't like the way you're talking to me,'' she told him, not liking the belittling tone he had struck with her.

Jess chuckled at her childish comment.

''And I hate it when you do that.''

''I'm not doing anything,'' he said.

''Yes, you are!'' she cried in frustration as his eyes shot back over to her face. ''I know I'm a year younger than you, but you don't have to treat me that way.''

''I don't,'' he told her calmly.

''You do and I hate it!''

''I don't fucking treat you that way!'' he said exasperated.

''Well, you don't treat me right!'' Rory crossed her arms and turned her head away from him while Jess stubbornly refused to say another word. ''Did you really just want to see how far you could get with me?'' she asked only seconds later, her voice soft as she did so.

''You know I didn't,'' he answered while casting his eyes onto her once more.

''Then why did you say it?''

''I was upset,'' he confessed, thinking that it would be enough for her to turn back around and look at him. When she didn't, he did the only other thing he could think of to get her attention, he reached out to touch her. As the tips of his fingers came in contact with her shoulder she shrugged away from his touch. ''Don't.''

He dropped his hand down to her side. ''I didn't mean it, Ror, and I would take it back if I could, but I can't so please tell me what else I can do.''

She uncrossed her arms and let them fall back into her lap as she looked at him over her shoulder. ''Tell me what you want from me?''

He turned his head away, giving her the impression that he was going to keep quiet instead of answering her question, but as she started to get up, he grabbed her by her wrist to pull her back down, giving himself away before he spoke the words, ''I want you.''

She pulled her hand from his without thinking. ''Yeah, well, unfortunately I can't give you your wish since I'm currently already taken, and so are you. You can't have everything,'' she sharply made clear to him.

''So you settled for Dean?'' he asked, knowing that he was out of line by the afflicted look in her now stormy eyes. She balled up her hands, but didn't strike him as he had expected; instead, she got up slowly and walked away from him again.

Somewhere along the way she ran into Leah and she sped up, not wanting her to see the tears that had sprung to her eyes.

The truth hurt.

* * *

**Review Please? (:** Although I'm happy with how some parts of the chapter turned out, I am slightly disappointed when it comes to others. I tried my best, but it still seems to be a horrible chapter. I am just not having the feeling that I'm getting any better, at all. However, I love the idea of this story too much to put it on hiatus for a while so I hope one bad chapter didn't ruin the total effect. And thank you so much for the comments you gave me on last chapter.


	10. Untied

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

**A/N: **I'm sure it's been months since I've even so much as glanced at this story, but realizing that I do have to finish it at some point, I went through the chapters and picked up where I left off, literally. No diary entry will be added to this chapter because it'll revolve mostly around Jess's character and his confusion when it comes to his relationship with both Leah and Rory.

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**Untied**

Leah didn't look back at the brunette as she increased her pace, ending up at the bridge after Jess had already gotten up. ''Hey,'' she said, doing a quick scan of his appearance before coming to a halt directly in front of him, purposely being in his way. ''What was that about?'' She slid her hands into the pockets of her jeans, the ones that were of a loose fit, but were snug and low on her hips, and black, his and hers favorite color.

''Nothing.'' He copied her by also pocketing his hands, having no other use for them at the moment. He was eye to eye with her and still he lied.

''Are you sure because I think she was crying.''

''She'll be fine,'' he said, his tone indifferent, though Leah saw how much he struggled with the words by the way he avoided to really look at her. ''Jess.'' She took her hands from her pockets and moved closer to him. ''What happened?''

''I told you, nothing.'' He sighed. ''Come one, let's head back.'' He reached for her hand, but she pulled away. ''I'm not going,'' she hardheadedly told him.

He nodded. ''Suit yourself.'' He intentionally bumped her shoulder when passing her.

''What's wrong with you! Leah cried out, causing for him to turn and look at her. ''I know you like her.'' She waited for the guilt to reach his eyes.

''Leah-''

''I know you do, Jess! I'm not blind or as naive as you think I am. I'm not her, you know?''

''I know that, don't you think I know that, Lee?''

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. ''I don't know what you've been thinking these last couple of days,'' she revealed to him in a toned down voice.

''Look,'' he commenced while taking a step forwards, ''Rory and I are friends.''

''Liar,'' she replied immaturely. ''You've been lying to me all this time, and if you deny it, then it shows how naive you were to buy your own lies.'' Tears were close to springing to her eyes as he did what she hadn't expected from him, he didn't fight her on it. ''Jess, I like you and I've known from the beginning that you weren't perfect, but no one is so-''

''Leah, please.''

She nodded. ''Fine, it's not my business anymore anyway.''

''You're breaking up with me?'' Jess asked, managing to hold his voice calm and steady, even though he was taken aback by her suddenness and determination. She was coming back strong as her lines hardened and angles sharpened. ''Yes, I'm breaking up with you, and there's nothing you can say.''

''I wasn't going to say anything.''

''Figured that much.''

He immediately tapped into her disappointment, giving up his chance to just walk away. ''What's that supposed to mean?''

''You know what it means. I mean, did you even see something in me or was I just a substitute for her since day one?''

''Of course I saw something in you, Lee, of course I did!'' he yelled, his patience running thin as her defenses crumbled right in front of him. She looked at him with a set of teary eyes. ''Then why did you have to drag it on?''

''No.'' Jess vigorously shook his head. ''I'm not letting you do this to me; I'm not letting you put all of the blame on me! If you knew what was going on, knew I was lying, then you sure took your time putting and end to it. You did this to yourself!''

She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself. ''Do you have anything more to say?''

He shook his head and stepped aside, giving her room to pass.

She looked him in the eyes once more on her way. ''I just hope she was worth cheating for.''

He didn't stop her.

x-x-x

Upon storming into the diner, Jess answered Luke's question before he could even ask it, ''Leah broke up with me.''

''What?'' Luke instantly followed him up the stairs. ''I thought things were going good between you guys?''

Jess pulled a book from his back pocket and lay down on his bed. ''They were.''

''So, what did you do?''

He threw an annoyed look over at his uncle. ''Why do you assume that I did something?''

''Didn't you?''

''Nothing a few apologies won't fix.''

''That bad, huh?''

Jess sighed. ''Don't you have some fries to fry or something?''

''Call her.''

Luke left and Jess opened his book, having the intention to read, but ended up exchanging the novel for the phone on his bedside table.

x-x-x

Rory lay sprawled out on the couch when the phone rang. ''Mom!''

''What!''

''You get it!''

''Lazy,'' Lorelai said while picking up the phone on her way into the living room. ''Hello?'' She handed the phone over to Rory within seconds. ''It's your former best friend.''

Rory caught the phone as her mom threw it at her and sighed while getting up, seeking out the privacy of her room. As soon as the door was closed behind her, she brought the phone up to her ear. ''What do you want?''

''I'm sorry,'' he took her by surprise.

''You're apologizing to me?''

''Yeah, isn't that what you wanted?''

''Well, yeah,'' Rory started and sat down on her bed, ''but only if you mean it.''

''I mean it,'' he promised. ''I was out of line with my remarks.''

''That seems to be happening a lot.''

''I know, and-''

''You're sorry, yeah, I get that.'' Rory leaned back against the wall while switching the phone from one hand to another. ''Is something going on with you?''

There was a silence on the other end.

''You haven't exactly been yourself lately.''

She heard him sigh. ''It's complicated.''

''Of course it is,'' she whispered.

''Leah broke up with me,'' he said, letting Rory in a little more.

''Oh, I'm... Wow, I-''

''Save it.''

''Excuse me?''

''You never liked her,'' Jess spoke up.

''Maybe.'' Rory pulled her knees up to her chest. ''I just wanted you to be happy, though.'' She pulled at the hem of her shirt. ''And it seemed like you were happy with her.''

''I was.''

''So, you really liked her, huh?''

''I don't know; there was something, but I knew it wouldn't last forever.''

''Sorry,'' Rory sympathized.

''It wasn't your fault.''

''It was, in a way.''

''It's over and done, Ror.''

''So, what now?'' she asked after giving him a moment of silence.

''We go back.''

''Back?''

''Back to being friends,'' Jess clarified, though his heart wasn't entirely in it.

''Friends?''

''Yeah.''

''Okay,'' Rory agreed.

On the other side of the line, Jess nodded. ''Okay.''

_They were fooling each other._

* * *

**Please review? (: **The chapter is on the really short side, but it's more of a part of the last chapter than it is a stand alone chapter, so that's the reason behind it. I wanted Leah's frustration to shimmer through as well as Jess's confusion, and I'm sure that all of you can see that he obviously has more of a weak for Rory than he does for his now ex-girlfriend by the way he lost his temper with Leah, but patched things up with Rory. Don't worry, though, they won't go back to being just friends, they'll be anything but that, trust me. Thanks for your incredible patience and I hope people are still following this. Sorry for the wait.


	11. End of the Road

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters.

**A/N: **It's been a while, what am I saying, it's been a very long while since I've updated this story and when I finally did, I kind of rushed the second half of this chapter, so I worked on that and rewrote it. I think it's better this way, less all over the place, so I hope you'll think so, too. :)

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**End of the Road**

It was just somewhere past noon and, except for the date, Rory hadn't written so much as another word in her journal; the fact was that she didn't know what to write because she didn't know what to think or how to feel. Actually, her feelings had been all over the place since _their_ phone call the night before. She had contemplated just avoiding him, at least until she had her heart and mind back on the same line, a problem she had unsuccessfully attempted to solve when lying in bed this morning. Come to think of it, she thought about him a lot when she was in bed, a realization that made her blush. She shook her head, so her hair would camouflage it, always self-conscious when he was around, though now she was painfully aware of his presence. She hadn't even dared glancing at him, something she normally did on regular basis, but now didn't do because of the probable awkwardness that would present itself when their eyes would accidentally meet, something that she knew would be just be an accident on any other day, but today those didn't exist. They were too aware of each other.

She knew that she wasn't supposed to be at Luke's and that she would have a slim to none chance of avoiding him, but somewhere she also knew that she had never really intended on staying away from him. That only worked for them when they weren't looking for the exact definition of their relationship. She knew the deep waters they were in and didn't have a clue on how to get them out of there, even though he had made an effort by trying to undo all of their damage by proposing they go back to being friends in the most innocent signification of the relationship. And she had foolishly accepted the proposal, not thinking of herself when she finally could have been selfish enough to do so, now that Leah was out of the picture and she had already set her own relationship on the line by kissing him. A kiss that happened in the heat of the moment, but didn't make what she was feeling any less sincere, nor did it get anything out of her system because she still felt the same about him afterwards. It was unfair that he had lost Leah because of her, though she couldn't say that she didn't prefer him without her. It was crazy what jealousy could do to a person, but she couldn't help wanting what she wanted.

She bit her lip, letting the following train of thought pass by her without stopping it, still having a pen between her fingers, one she eventually dropped with a frustrated sigh, knowing that she had to accept, at least for now, that she wasn't sure enough of how or what to feel to write it all down. Her eye fell on the empty coffee mug in front of her. She reached for it and got up immediately, not allowing herself to think about it. It was an excuse to talk to him, one he would see through right away, but she didn't care and she had gone through her share of drama to afford herself such an admission. She placed the mug on the counter. ''Hey.''

Jess nodded in acknowledgement, put his book down and reached for the empty mug. He refilled it and gave it back to her, their fingers just touching. ''Thank you,'' she said, though didn't move. ''Are you okay? I mean, you told me Leah broke up with you...''

He looked at her. ''Do you really want to get into that?''

She lowered her head back down and opened her mouth to speak, though he did it for her. ''No apologies, okay.''

''Okay.''

''It's not like we had plans to get married anyway.'' Their eyes met and he turned his back to her, not wanting to show that it hurt just a little, even though he did just that by turning away from her like he did and he liked to believe that it hurt her.

''It's okay,'' Rory told him. ''To feel hurt.'' Her statement made him turn around. ''You lost someone you cared about and it was my fault.''

''It wasn't just your fault,'' he corrected her. ''I was right there with you, wasn't I?''

It was a question that didn't need an answer and she didn't give it to him; instead, she let her free hand slide from the counter. ''Can we not talk about that. Please?''

''You brought it up,'' he pushed, not letting her blue eyes hush him.

''I shouldn't have.''

''No,'' Jess said. ''It's good that we talk about it.''

''Why?'' she naively asked, even though she knew that he knew her too long to buy the act.

''So we don't forget and-''

''And it doesn't happen again,'' she finished the sentence for him.

''Right.''

''I don't want to lose Dean, Jess.''

''You didn't lose him and you're not going to.''

''It feels like I am,'' came her whispered confession.

Jess took a step toward the counter. ''Why?''

She shrugged off her comment. ''It's just a feeling.''

''Exactly, it's just a feeling,'' Jess repeated to her. ''We're just friends.''

_We're friends _were the words Rory wrote in her journal as soon as she sat back down, her coffee steaming hot in front of her.

_But what are we really (?) when we can't even talk to each other about what happened between us? He won't hear my apologies and I won't hear him. _

_It's like being in a bubble and anything that might not fit (in that little world), we only look at from the inside. I don't think I like it there, but to be the one to bring everything back up again, just when it has gotten the chance to sink... _

_I don't know (exactly) what I want from him, but I do know that we aren't friends and neither are we more; for the moment, we're floating somewhere in between (again)._

She tapped her pen against the edge of the table and bit down on her lip, unaware of Jess standing nearby until his voice startled her eyes upwards. ''Homework?''

''Yes,'' she lied while keeping her eyes on his.

''Need any help?''

She fought back a smile at the memory, wondering if it was something he thought about, too, and shook her head. ''No, I'm done.'' She closed up her journal and got up, suddenly as close to him as she was before, her heart thumping rapidly. She held the book to her chest, careful not to accidentally touch him, though he still felt her everywhere. They kept their eyes on each other, brown on blue, reluctant to lose touch completely.

''You going home?''

She nodded.

''Do you want a ride?''

Rory let out a soft laugh and shook her head. ''It's a five minute walk. I think I can handle it.'' She didn't tell him that she had somewhere to be; she didn't want to hurt him.

''Guess I'll see you then.'' He took a step aside and she past, but felt his fingers on her wrist only a second after, before Jess even said Rory's name. ''Yeah?'' She shook her locks from her eyes as she raised them to his.

''We have to talk about it sometime. Soon.''

''I know,'' she said.

He nodded and flashed her half a smile. ''Okay.''

She returned the smile, rolling her eyes and giving him a playful shove with her free hand. ''Bye, Jess.''

Her smile had already faded when she left the diner, somewhere feeling guilty for not having told him about where she had to be, but to be honest, she felt bad about still having Dean when Jess had no one. He didn't even have her, not really anyway, and he wouldn't be able to completely have her until she no longer had anyone, but she wasn't bold enough to come clean with Dean. She wasn't sure enough if what she felt towards Jess was enough for her to risk her steady relationship with Dean, even though she knew that the instability was weighed down by all of her (white) lies.

She was a coward.

She was a coward and a hypocrite.

And she felt nothing but bad. Still she faked a smile when Dean opened the door for her.

''Hey, you,'' she greeted, accepting the kiss he gave her on her cheek before passing him. She dumped her things on the coffee table and sat down on the couch, going through the movies Dean had picked up earlier while he disappeared into the kitchen for the soda and junk-food he had brought home from work. None of the movies were something she would have picked out herself, though he kept no one but her in mind when going through the junk-food aisles, something that made her feel that flutter that she used to feel all the time when they first started out; over time, their relationship had become, not boring, definitely not boring, but familiar and predictable, and the reason she stayed with him was that she liked familiarity and predictability. It was comfortable and she knew that eventually every relationship would strand there.

Dean, on the other hand, was still madly in love, because every time he looked at her, he saw what he wanted to see, and every time he was with her, he didn't want to be anywhere else. They didn't talk about what they felt for each other that much, though he sometimes wished that they could, that she could; she's always been too shy to tell him exactly how or what she felt. Instead, she wrote it all down. He eyed her journal that lay within his reach. ''Are you ever going to let me read that?'' he asked, the question rhetoric because he already knew what the answer would be.

Rory looked up, losing her spot on the back of the DVD. ''It's personal, Dean.''

''At least tell me if you write about me?''

''Of course I write about you,'' she told him. ''You're my boyfriend.'' She fought the urge to snatch the journal from the table and handed him a DVD instead. He obediently got up to start the movie, her answer satisfying enough to sit him through at least one movie, though he knew that it wasn't what he had been looking for because, all throughout the first movie, he kept coming back to her journal. It lay in plain sight and almost asked to be read, just the first page, so he could just get it over with. And that time came when she left to go to the bathroom; he was flipping through the fully written pages before he could think of the consequences the breeching her privacy would sure enough bring on. He quickly went from page to page, skimming the handful of sentences, and sometimes even just the words, that he managed to lay his eyes on. His name came up, just like she had told him, but only in the first dozen or so pages because another name took his place over and over. ''You sure write about him a lot for someone who claims to be just friends with him,'' he said when he heard her reenter the room, giving her a heads up as he continued to read bits and pieces here and there.

She immediately began to approach him. ''Dean, what are you doing? That's personal.''

''So you've told me,'' he answered coolly. That's why it probably isn't such a good idea to carry it around with you wherever you go or just leave it lying around the way you did.'' He closed the journal with a thud just as she came to a stop in front of him. ''I couldn't help myself; I was curious.''

''That's not a good enough reason, Dean,'' Rory remarked while snatching the diary from his hands, his hold not as strong as she had imagined it would be. ''I trusted you.''

He snorted and shook his head at her. ''I can't believe you're bringing up trust when you apparently kissed him. You kissed him, Rory!'' he silenced her before she could get a word out, his hands going to his hair in frustration; there was nothing he could do about the situation, not anymore. The damage had been done and he couldn't believe that Rory had been the one to do it. He could have taken it if it had been all on Jess, but it wasn't and that was what was upsetting him, killing him even. And the worst of it was that he hadn't seen it coming, not really. Of course he's always known that there was something between her and Jess, something that was just beyond friendship, but he had believed her when she told him that it was nothing more than that, he had trusted her.

Seeing how hurt he was she said, ''I'm sorry.''

He just chuckled. ''You cheated on me, Rory, so I'd say it's a little late for an apology.''

''Dean,'' she said. ''We can fix this; we can talk about this.''

He shook his head. ''I don't think this is something we can fix, Rory.''

''Why?''

He sighed and let his hands drop into his lap. ''Because I don't want to talk about it. There is nothing to talk about.''

''I don't know what I was thinking,'' she gave it one last try, though she didn't really fight him on anything. It was over. She'd known it would be once he found out; she couldn't drag on their relationship forever, no matter how right it had been at the beginning. All good things came to and end eventually... Still, she didn't feel as sad she probably should be and she wasn't as mad at him as she could be for reading her journal.

''Yes, you did,'' Dean gently disagreed, not having to fight for a battle that he had already lost. ''Or at least it seemed that way when you wrote it down.''

''Dean, I... '' she began, though trailing off soon after because she really had no clue what to say to him. There was nothing to say. ''I think I should go,'' she finally decided.

He nodded. ''You should.'' He didn't want to say anything that he wouldn't regret later.

Rory left the house with herjournal pressed to her chest.

_She didn't cry._

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**Please review? (: **It's important for me to keep 'growing' writing wise, so as soon as I posted the first version of this chapter, I knew that I had to do something about the second half; it was too rushed, so I hope that this version turned out better than the first. And thanks for reading this, and reading this again if this is your second time around. I appreciate it. :) Let me know what you think and if you see any grammatical and/or spelling mistakes, let me know and I'll get on that asap. :)


	12. A Fallacy

**Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls, nor do I own any of the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.**

**A/N: **I don't even know where to begin or what to say to all of you who have been reading this story and have been waiting, and waiting, for an update. I guess I'm sorry for having kept you all waiting, but my inspiration for this show tends to flicker from on to off, although I will finish this story no matter what. Fortunately, the idea for this chapter came to me and I managed to have the time to work it out. So, for the few of you who still bother with this story, thank you, and I hope you'll like it. :)

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A Fallacy

Rory clutched her journal so tightly to her chest that her knuckles had turned white and her fingers hurt, keeping the book as close as she possibly could, even though it was really too late. She had been careless with it, and consequently with her emotions and her relationship. This was what she got for bringing her journal along wherever she went; it had only been a matter of time before someone got their hands on it. It was something that she had foreseen, but hadn't thought about, not really, because she too easily trusted people.

She slowed down her pace as she reached the gazebo, not ready to go home just yet, but needing a moment alone to let it all sink in. She caught her breath while sitting down on the gazebo's first couple of step, questionably calm on the outside while her mind raced. She knew that it was hypocritical of her, but she couldn't believe that Dean had invaded her privacy so. She had trusted him the most of all, just like he had trusted her.

She bowed her head in shame and tears fell on her closed journal and eventually even threw it to the ground. She didn't think that she would ever be playing the role of the cheating girlfriend. She was supposed to know better, especially when she was always preaching to Jess about how wrong it was that he couldn't have just one girl. With her elbows leaning on her thighs, she covered her face with her hands and began to cry.

She hadn't cried in front of Dean; she had been too mad at him, even though the anger had really been misplaced. She should have been angry with herself for having done what she did. She had risked it all and had suitably lost it all as well. It had been stupid of her, a thought that had been in the back of her mind all the while, but now belatedly surfaced. Logicality always did when it was too late.

She knew that she was only partially mourning her loss of Dean because, more so, she was crying over what she had lost it all for: a guy who had a lot working for him, but had so much working against him at the same time. She had only focused on the better things, seeing all of the things in Jess that Dean wasn't and not having paid attention to the things that Dean did have and Jess didn't. She couldn't believe how selfish she had been, but then again, clarity always came too late, didn't it?

Still, Rory wiped the tears away with the back of her hands, knowing that she didn't have any right to be bawling her eyes out over this. She got up. She needed to get home; she needed to talk to her mother, so that she could tell her how wrong her actions had been, but how she would support whatever she would do at the same time. It was something to look forward to, and the ice-cream that would eventually follow was at least some kind of reassurance.

She leaned over to retrieve her journal, just as the remainder of a cigarette was thrown onto the ground close by. Jess pressed it into the ground with the heel of his shoe and stepped out of the shadow as Rory came closer to the diner.

She didn't see him at first, having her eyes on her feet, but he crossed her path and got her attention when he said, ''Hey.''

She lifted her head in surprise, given him a look at her tear stricken face, even though she had tried her best to wipe away all of them. ''I got to get home,'' she quickly told him, bringing her head back down and passing him.

''Have you been crying?'' he asked, his hands finding his pockets, not holding her back, though she stopped anyway. He had never liked seeing her cry; it was in the way her eyes became an icy blue and how she still managed to look pretty through her tears. ''Did something happen?''

Rory shook her head, though he heard her sniff. ''I'm fine. I just got to get home.''

Jess nodded, but she didn't see it. She was already on her way.

-x-x-x-

The next day, Rory didn't arrive in Stars Hollow until late in the afternoon, when Dean's shift at Doose's had long started. She had kept herself busier than usual at school, thinking that it would be a good distraction for her. Her mom had suggested that she should stay home for one day, but Rory had disagreed; she had always been strongly opinionated and very stubborn as well, a combination Lorelai couldn't beat.

When she arrived at Luke's, she knew that the news of her breakup had spread through the town somehow. Things always did in this town. She knew it by the way people in the diner were trying to act normal, when normally they acted anything but that. She hurried over to the counter, where her mom was sitting, and took a seat, her back to the town.

''Hey sweets,'' Lorelai greeted her daughter. ''Want some coffee?'' she asked, though Luke had already started pouring her a cup.

Rory wrapped her hands around it as soon as it was placed on the counter. ''Everybody knows,'' she shared with her mom, before taking a gulp of coffee.

''Told you Taylor had spies.''

Rory rolled her eyes and her mom responded with the words, ''Don't worry too much about it, hon. They'll find something else to talk about. Just give them a few hours.''

Her mom threw her a comforting smile and Rory returned a small one of her own.

She took another sip of her coffee and eyed the curtain that separated Luke and Jesse's living space from the diner. ''Is Jess still at school?'' she informed, knowing that he would usually spend all of his free time in the diner, whether working, reading, or doing the little homework that he did bother to do.

Luke snorted at her question and she knew that he was right. ''Then, where is he?''

Luke and Lorelai shared a look, confirming her suspicions that something wasn't right. ''Mom?'' she tried.

''Well,'' Lorelai began while biting her lip, ''he isn't here.''

''I noticed, so where is he?''

Lorelai looked at Luke again, but he just shrugged. ''Uhm, he's at the library,'' she said when looking over at Rory again. ''He didn't want to tell you because he figured that you would make fun of him because it's just the local library and all.''

''Mom, I go there, too, remember? Plus, Jess has already read all of the books in that library.''

''Yeah… You know, we should really talk to Taylor about buying more books for it.''

''Where is he?'' Rory repeated her earlier question, seeing how another look was shared by Luke and her mom. ''What's wrong?'' It made her nervous. ''Is something wrong?''

Luke shrugged. ''You know Jess; there's always something wrong.''

''Luke?'' she attempted.

He sighed. ''He isn't here.'' He threw Lorelai an apologetic look. ''He went out, but I don't know where he went.''

''I do,'' Rory whispered, having already gotten up.

Lorelai looked at her. ''I'll be right here, kay, sweetheart?''

Rory nodded and left the diner, a bad feeling in her stomach as she headed for the bridge. It was the first and only place she knew where to look, and it was where he ended up being, just like she had expected him to be. He was standing on the very edge of the bridge with his back to her and his hands in his pockets. She thought that he would have been smoking. She didn't know why; it was just a feeling she had.

''Jess,'' she said his name, but got no reaction from him. Rory set her first step onto the bridge, taking light and cautious steps as she made her way over to him, almost as if she didn't want to scare him off, when really she was the one who felt anxious. Lately, things hadn't exactly been right between them, and she could tell from his unapproachable stance that something was wrong.

She reached out her hand to touch him, placing her hand softly on his shoulder, but he just shrugged it off. ''Don't,'' he told her in a forceful tone, his eyes chillingly piercing as they landed on her.

She gasped at the sight of his face: the bruises, the cut on his lip. ''Oh my God, what happened to you?''

Jess licked his bottom lip, slowly because of the cut, before answering: ''Let's just say that I now know what you were crying over last night.''

Her eyes searched his. ''Dean? He did this to you?''

Jess nodded. ''Yeah, he did this.''

''But why?'' she asked, although she knew that the question was a stupid one.

''You tell me. I was minding my own business, and all of a sudden he charges me in the locker-room, slams me up against a locker and, well, I think you get the picture,'' Jess finished, somewhat bitterly, while taking a step towards her and giving her a better look at his battered face.

''I'm so sorry,'' she voiced, feeling guilty. ''I didn't think he would- Did you see a doctor about this 'cause it looks-''

''I know what it looks like, Rory,'' he slightly raised his voice at her. ''The whole town knows what it looks like, and as usual they think that I brought it on myself, since this isn't the first fight I've gotten into. Now, normally, I don't mind taking the credit, but I did nothing this time. Absolutely nothing!'' He balled his fists, controlling himself a little more and continued. ''I didn't even get to punch the jerk back because he took me by surprise.''

''Jess-''

''Just tell me why he did it, Ror?''

''He read my diary,'' she immediately told him, knowing that he wasn't in a mood to be played with. ''I was over at his house last night and I went to the bathroom, and when I came back-'' Rory took a deep breath to hold back the tears. ''It's my own fault; I shouldn't-''

''It is,'' Jess cut her off. ''And you shouldn't have cheated. It's that simple.''

''What? How can you say that when you-''

''I know what my part in it was. I lost Leah because of it,'' he painfully reminded her, though he didn't have to; she remembered just fine. Now she couldn't hold back the tears and the first one began to slowly make its way down her cheek. ''I know what I did, and it was a wrong thing to do, but I wasn't alone in this.''

''You started this,'' Jess pointed out. ''You kissed me.''

''I didn't mean to,'' she whispered, though she knew that she was caught in a lie from the way she had to blink to keep the tears from spilling over.

''Like hell you did, Rory! You knew perfectly well what you were doing. You might have regretted it afterwards-''

''I do.'' She ran the back of her hand across her eyes. ''I do regret it.

''Liar,'' he called her. ''You're just trying to make yourself feel better.''

''And what if I am?''

Jess carelessly shrugged. ''You can say whatever you want to yourself, but it won't fix anything.'' He leaned into her a little. ''You cheated on Dean with me.''

She took a step back as more tears filled her eyes. ''Why are you doing this to me?''

''I'm not fucking doing anything to you!'' He now lost his cool completely. ''I didn't do anything. I didn't force you to do anything; you could have stopped me at any time, and you did, and that was that. You were the one who had to write it all down,'' he said while gesturing at her.

''I had to figure out what I was feeling.''

''And what exactly are you feeling, Rory?'' he demanded.

''Stop.'' Rory shook her head and took another step back. ''Don't talk to me like I don't know what I want,'' she uttered through her tears.

''Fine, then what do you want?'' There was no answer and he nodded. ''Thought so.''

''I didn't want to hurt anyone.''

''But you did.''

''Why are you so mad at me?'' Rory choked back the tears and tried to find some composure. ''This is what you wanted, right? Dean out of the picture?''

''You don't know me at all if you think that that's what I wanted.''

''Then what do you want, Jess?''

His eyes narrowed. ''I want you, and you know that, so don't act like you don't. I want you to make up your mind for once and tell me what you're feeling.''

''You're one to talk,'' Rory commented.

''I've told you how I felt,'' he returned as calmly as he could.

''Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything with you, Jess!'' she lashed back. ''You have a new girlfriend every week!''

''Hey, those girls knew that I wasn't looking for a commitment.''

''Oh, okay, so you just sleep with them and trade them in for another when you're done with them. You're a classy guy, Jess.''

''I know it's hard to believe, but not all girls are such prudes as you!''

''Just because I haven't slept with Dean?''

Jess shook his head. ''No, you haven't slept with Dean because he isn't the one.''

''And you are?!''

''How come you're always able to make me sound like such a bad person, huh?''

''How come you're always measuring what Dean and I have, had, '' Rory corrected herself before going on, ''based on how physical we are with one and other? Is it because you now think that if you can get me and sleep with me, you'll have one over on Dean, is that it? Is that what I mean to you?''

''Don't put words in my mouth. I hate it when you judge me like that.''

''And I hate it when you judge me.''

''Well, what did you expect when your boyfriend just beat the crap out of me?''

''Ex-boyfriend,'' she set Jess and herself straight. She lowered her head, letting her hair cover up her face, a trick she always went back to when she didn't feel comfortable or at ease. ''I just needed a friend.''

''We're not friends.'' He regretted the words as soon as they came out, especially when he saw them reflected on her, but she quickly collected herself and nodded. ''Fine.'' She began to move away from him. ''I get it. It's my own fault that Dean broke up with me and I shouldn't have blamed any of it on you, nor should I have expected any sympathy from you in the first place. I get it,'' she mimicked her earlier words. ''I'm sorry about your face,'' she expressed, and turned around, her back to him as she began to walk.

Jess sighed and called for her: ''Rory!''

She stopped and glanced back at him. ''Don't. I don't want an apology; I wanted some understanding and I needed a friend, but I guess you're right.'' She shrugged. ''We are no longer friends, and how can we, right? You probably expected me to be all over you now that Dean is finally out of the picture…''

''You were all over me when he was still in the picture.''

Fresh tears sprung to her eyes and, again, he wished he hadn't had said it. Their eyes met briefly, before her back was to him once more. She hurried off the bridge, leaving him feeling just as bad as she did.

On her way home, she passed Doose's and snuck a look through the window. Dean's face looked just fine.

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**Please review? (: **Again, sorry for taking so long to update this ''forgotten'' story, as I like to call it. Despite that, I did my best on this chapter and the characters, because I haven't written them in a while, so hopefully it was to your likings. And please, if you know people who were following this story, let them know that it has been updated. Unfortunately, I can't make any promises for the next chapter, but thanks for your patience and I hope people are still willing to read this. And let me know what you think because I'm very curious. :)


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